Page 76 of Make it a Double

“Of course it is!” she bit out. “I don’t have a well-off family to fall back on, and FMLA doesn’t pay my wages. It just protects my job.”

I didn’t take her words to heart, but they stung nonetheless. Couldn’t she see past the impending doom and know that I would take care of her? “But Olivia⁠—”

“Olivia will ensure I keep my paycheck because she knows that I need it, but she’s also going to need to hire someone to cover my shifts. We hadn’t planned on that until later. Much later.” She placed her hand on her belly, voice breaking as she said, “It’s just a lot to take in.”

There was genuine fear in her eyes. Fear that I wanted nothing more than to take away and replace with something better, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how.

I pulled her into my arms, surprised when she went willingly. “It’s okay to be scared, Sawyer. Hell, I am, too. I don’t want anything happening to you or our son, and I will do anything in my power to make sure you both are safe.” I took a breath, hoping she would really listen to my next words. “I know you don’t like it, but what good is having access to all this money if I can’t spend it on the people who matter most to me?”

“The people I love” would’ve been more accurate, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Not now. Not here. When I finally said those words, I wanted it to be special. She deserved flowers, candles, and a homemade dinner beneath the stars. She deserved everything good that this world had to offer, and I was capable of giving her that.

If only she let me.

SAWYER

“This is such bullshit,” I said, plopping my elbows onto the butcher block island. “The doctor said I needed to take it easy. Not that I was useless.”

Liv peeked at me from behind her refrigerator door, narrowing her eyes like she did when Charlie was in trouble. “No one said you were useless. All I said was for you to sit your pretty ass down and drink your water while I chopped vegetables.”

“Then let me help! That’s what I’m here for.”

My friend laughed and set the onions and tomatoes on the counter before coming around beside me. She slung her arm over my shoulders, leaning her head against my own. “Sawyer, I love you, but the answer is no. I didn’t invite you over for your help.”

“Well, you should have, because I’m kind of shit company right now,” I grumbled, glancing out the window. Beckett, Duke, Grady, and Lukas stood around a massive grill, beers in hand and shooting the shit while Harper and Charlie played out in the yard. It wasn’t fair. All I wanted to do was help, and no one would let me.

To say that the doctor’s appointment yesterday hadn’t gone the way I wanted was an understatement. It’d taken one look at Dr. Adler’s face to confirm what I’d been dreading. Thankfully, it was only—and I used that word lightly—gestational hypertension. It was what she considered mild and manageable, so long as I kept a close eye on my stress and my symptoms. She also ordered weekly appointments so we could monitor the baby’s growth and ensure he was developing properly.

The only good outcome of the appointment was finding out that I was cleared for sexual activity. I wasn’t sure why that piece of information had been so important, but I’d clung to the thought since leaving her office on Wednesday.

While Beckett and I had leaned into our physical connection recently, neither one of us had pushed for anything other than a few chaste kisses here or there. They were great. Don’t get me wrong. But it’d left me wanting more. His touch was addictive. He had this way of making me still feel desirable, even if I felt less than when my big belly got in the way.

Which drove him crazy.

He hadn’t said anything about it, but the way he couldn’t tear his gaze away or help but touch my swollen stomach had my mind working overtime. Did the thought of me being pregnant with his child turn him on? Was it some kind of secret breeding kink? I didn’t know, but I kind of wanted to find out.

The thought alone had my hand slipping into my nightstand after Beckett dropped me off at home last night.

“You’re not shit company,” Cleo, Liv’s best friend, said. “You’ve had your world turned upside down these past months. The hits just keep on coming, but you are knocking them out of the park every time.”

Liv made a face beside me, moving back toward the cutting board. “Grady’s changed you. You’re so positive these days. It’s unsettling.”

Cleo shrugged, the corner of her lips curled upward. “I’m happy. Sue me.”

I hadn’t been around Cleo much outside of these little get-togethers that Liv and Duke put on, but she really was a ray of sunshine. She’d married Grady, Liv’s ex-husband, a few years ago. I wasn’t sure how she and Liv grew to be as close as they were, but the two of them were as thick as thieves. The first time they invited me out with them somewhere, I expected to feel like a third wheel, but that feeling never came. They were incredibly intentional, always including me in their conversations and luring me out of hiding when I slipped into myself.

I never had many friends growing up. Anytime I got close to someone, it was ruined the moment I said where I lived. After all, most parents didn’t want their kids hanging out around the Pair-o-Dice Trailer Park. Pinecrest might have been a small town, but there’d been a stigma around the area since Grams was a kid—punny name notwithstanding. It’d gotten better over the years, but hadn’t gone away completely.

Having these two brilliant women in my life now was worth the wait. I’d never admit it out loud, but they were like role models to me—big sisters who welcomed me with open arms and showed me what compassion looked like.

“I’m going to miss you behind the bar,” Liv said, reaching for the freshly washed and dried potatoes. “It’s not going to be the same.” She coated them in oil and a dash of salt before wrapping them tightly in foil.

“Please don’t remind me. It’s too soon.” I covered my face with my hands. “I’m not built to sit in a tiny room without windows and stare at a computer every day. I need people.”

“I know, I know. But it’s that or sitting at home, twiddling your thumbs all day.” She glanced up at me with one perfectly arched brow. “You opted for the office.”

When I’d told my bosses about the doctor’s orders of rest, Duke had immediately pulled me from behind the bar. I’d argued that I could still do my job while managing my stress to no avail. It was only Liv’s suggestion that I take over admin work in the meantime that kept me from going home in tears. As it was, they told me to take the rest of the week off as a precaution, which was its own form of torture.

Especially when I saw the ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the window as Beckett drove me home.