Page 110 of Playing It Forward

“I’m not—”

He holds up a hand. “Save all your bullshit for someone else. Someone who hasn’t been here all summer. Someone who hasn’t watched you wince every time you throw a spiral. Someone who hasn’t witnessed you rubbing your shoulder whenever you thought someone wasn’t looking.”

Damn. How am I supposed to argue with him when he obviously knows the truth? He’s seen it.

“Playing it forward doesn't mean pretending the future isn't coming.”

Those words hit me hard. My father spends all his time looking backward – at lost games, lost opportunities, lost glory. I don’t want to be him. I want to be a better man. A better father. A better football player.

“You're acting like admitting you're hurt means you've lost. It doesn't. It means you're finally looking ahead.”

“I’m looking ahead. I’ve got my sights set on the Super Bowl.”

He lifts a brow. “The Super Bowl? With your shoulder?”

I grit my teeth. “I can do it. Even with a hurt shoulder, I’m one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL.”

“At what cost?”

I don’t answer.

He sighs. “Nolan. Admit it. How bad is it?”

My façade crumbles and I tell him the truth – all of it. “I can’t feel my fingers sometimes. Recovery is taking longer than I ever expected. I ice and heat and do my physical therapy, but the recovery just isn’t there. I’m…”

I pause. I haven’t admitted this next part to anyone. Not even Terri. “I’m terrified I won’t be able to throw a football with my kid someday.”

He shakes his head. “I would do anything to go back in time and be there while my son grew up. I trusted the wrong person and I lost those years. Are you willing to lose out with your child?”

“I just want to make it to the Super Bowl. This is our year. Everyone knows it.”

He scowls. “You're so busy fighting to keep what you've got that you haven't stopped to think of who you’re becoming.”

“Who I’m becoming? What do you mean?”

He lifts an eyebrow. “Do you want to spend the rest of your life looking backward?”

Like my dad. The unspoken words hang in the air.

“FUCK!” I shout as I jump to my feet.

I’ve spent the past weeks with Terri promising her I wouldn’t become my father. Promising her I’d be a better man. And what am I doing?

I’m acting exactly the way my father would. Sure, I cancelled my March obligations when the baby is due to arrive. But before then? I was planning to play the entire season. Despite being hurt. Despite Terri being pregnant. Despite knowing how the pregnancy worries her.

I was choosing football over the woman I love. Over the little mermaid we’re having together.

No wonder Terri was hesitant to get involved with me. She saw through my little scam when I didn’t even realize I was scamming her.

“I think it’s time to talk retirement.”

“I’ll set up a meeting. We’ll figure out the best way to transition the team to a new quarterback. And I’m here whenever you need to talk.” Knox points to the door. “In the meantime, get your ass on the field.”

Chapter 36

Never trust a man who makes three dinner reservations.

Terri