Page 36 of Playing It Forward

“Have you seen the doctor?

I nod. “I saw Dr. Allens to confirm the pregnancy.”

I bet she wished she never insisted I come in after I ended up bawling my eyes out for an hour in her arms. I only quit when she threatened to force me to stay the night in the hospital.

“Let me know when the next appointment is and I’ll be there.”

I drop my fork. “You can’t do this.”

“Do what? Be a part of my child’s life?” He growls. “You can’t keep me away. I have a right to be there.”

I hold up a hand. “I didn’t say you don’t.”

“Explain what you meant.”

How do I explain this? How do I explain how I don’t want to rely on him when I don’t know if he’ll stay? How do I admit I’m scared to be dependent on him? Scared of the backlash when he leaves? Scared of being pregnant? Scared of losing the baby?

A chair falls to the floor and my eyes fly open. I didn’t even realize I’d closed them.

Nolan kneels next to my chair and grasps my hands. “We’ll figure this out. Together.”

The together part is what’s scaring me.

He squeezes my hands. “Trust me, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”

I don’t believe him.

“Until training camp’s over.”

The muscle in his jaw ticks. “We have over a month until then. We have plenty of time to get to know each other. And figure out what’s best for the baby.”

I place a hand on my stomach. “I don’t want our little mermaid to get caught up in any disagreements between us.”

His eyes light up. “Little mermaid? It’s a girl?”

“I don’t know. It’s too early to tell. I barely know I’m pregnant.”

“I don’t care if the baby’s a girl or a boy. As long as the baby’s healthy.”

“Me too.” I hope this baby will be healthy. I hope I can carry her to term. I hope I don’t end up the way my mom did – drowning in grief. Refusing to grab hold of the person who needed her.

He grins. “But I’d love a little girl. Someone I can spoil the way we spoiled Ruth.”

Ruth? His sister? I gasp. “You can’t tell your family. It’s too early. I don’t know…”

He places a finger on my lips to quiet me. “It’s okay. I understand. We won’t make any announcements until the second trimester.”

“I was thinking more the third trimester,” I mutter.

He kisses my cheek before standing and walking around to sit across from me. “We’ll figure it out.”

He makes it sound easy. As if we’ll wake up in the morning with all the decisions made. If only.

If only I could believe him. If only he’d stay. If only I can carry this baby to term. If only… If only…

Chapter 13

It’s difficult to throw spirals when your entire life is spiraling.