Page 50 of Playing It Forward

“You have no idea.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’d like to have an idea. If you’re willing to share with me.”

I drop my gaze to contemplate my hands in my lap. I don’t want to discuss this. I don’t want to go back there.

But he has a right to know. A right to know why this pregnancy is terrifying to me. A right to know why this baby might never be born.

My breath hitches. Our baby never born? I can’t contemplate it. I want this baby.

I want this baby. It’s the first time I’ve admitted to myself how much I want to bring this child to life. Despite how scary carrying this baby is. I want my little mermaid.

Nolan squeezes my hand. “Sweetheart, you’re scaring me.”

“After Mom lost the baby, her boyfriend disappeared and Mom…” Tears well in my eyes. “She kind of disappeared, too. She refused to get out of bed. She stopped eating. Stopping taking care of herself. And then…”

He wipes the tears from my face. “You don’t have to tell me. I don’t need to know. This is too much for you. We’ll discuss it another time.”

I shackle his wrist and raise my gaze to meet his. Those blue eyes I’m slowly becoming obsessed with give me the courage to finish.

“I came home from school one day and I couldn’t wake her. She’d … ah… swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills.”

“Oh sweetheart,” he mutters before gathering me into his arms. He climbs onto the bed and I cuddle into him. He soothes a hand down my back as I let all the fear and anguish from my past consume me.

Chapter 17

I should not be mentally renovating her house already.

Nolan

My emotions are a whirlwind as I drive to Terri’s house. Luckily, she’s passed out from crying in the passenger seat and I can try to handle everything she confessed to me in private.

Because I don’t think she would appreciate witnessing my anger. And I am angry. Actually, angry is too tame a word for how I’m feeling. I’m fucking furious. How dare her mom leave her? I understand she was devastated to lose her baby and her boyfriend, but that’s no excuse to leave her daughter alone.

I would never abandon my child. I know the pain it causes to be left behind. To be forgotten. To force yourself to learn how to live without a parent because he’s never there. Because all he cares about is football.

Terri stirs. “Where are we?”

I stuff all my anger toward her mom down in the hole where the anger for my father lives. I need to be there for Terri. She lost her mom, and she’s terrified she’ll lose the baby because of her mom’s history. I will not leave her alone to spiral with those thoughts.

I squeeze her thigh. “Nearly at your house.”

“I must have passed out.”

“You need rest.”

She snorts. “Don’t I know it. I can’t seem to get enough sleep lately.”

“The doc confirmed it’s normal to be tired during this stage of pregnancy.”

Her face darkens. “Doctor Allens must think I’m a basket case.”

I scowl. “Why? Because you suffered trauma in your youth? You’re not a basket case. You’re a human being with emotions and a past.”

She sighs. “You’re not supposed to be sweet.”

I glance over at her. “I’m not? Am I supposed to be an asshole?”

She shrugs.