Page 54 of His for Hanukkah

“Yeah.”

“That all makes sense to me. But here’s my question: why didn’t you call me so I could help you?”

Adam looked off into the distance, pointedly not answering.

“Did you think I would be angry?”

Head shake.

“Did you think I would be disappointed?”

Another head shake.

“Did you want to do it on your own?”

A long pause. Then another, dispirited head shake.

Tate felt like he was running out of options. The past week had been so amazing and close. He couldn’t figure out how it had devolved so quickly.

“Do you understand that I want to help you with things like this? That I want to take care of you?”

An even longer pause and then a violent head shake. Were they getting somewhere?

“Adam is it so hard to believe that I enjoy taking care of you? We’re equals in a lot of things, but I’ve enjoyed having you depend on me for others. I thought it was something that we both enjoyed. That’s why I’m a Daddy, and I thought that’s what you were looking for. If it’s not, you just need to tell me.”

Adam curled his face up into his hands and mumbled something.

“You’ll have to say that louder, sweet boy.” Crap. He shouldn’t call him that until he knew whether Adam wanted this or not. But seeing Adam suffer was like a physical pain in his chest.

“It’s all fake!” he burst out.

“What’s fake?”

“Everything. It’s all fake. The texts, the party, the candles,” he spun a hand wildly into the room, “the c-c-age.” Then he collapsed into sobs.

“Was I reading you wrong all week? It felt very real to me.”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

Tate’s heart hurt. “Why doesn’t it mean anything?”

“Because you’re not my Daddy!” he snapped. Then he folded his head into his hands. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Tate’s heart was breaking. This week had probably been the best of his entire life. Certainly the best relationship he’d ever been in, even if he recognized that this was still the honeymoon phase.

But he’d thought they’d connected so well. In every part of his life, at home and at work, in bed and with family and friends, it just felt right.

He also felt like he’d seen Adam grow so much during the week. Like he’d come out of his shell and truly gotten to be himself.

Maybe that was the problem, though. Maybe he’d discovered some things about himself and realized that what he’d thought he wanted wasn’t what he actually needed.

Tate felt tears stream down his face, probably for the first time in years. Certainly since he’d started T. He buried his own head in his hands and allowed himself a moment to grieve.

He knew he shouldn’t push, but this just felt so… empty. So jagged and unresolved.

He brushed the dampness away and sat up. “So that’s just it, then? You’re leaving?”

“It’s the last night of Hanukkah,” Adam answered sadly. “It doesn’t technically end until tomorrow at sundown, but I don’t know if I can put myself through that. I thought I could, but I just… can’t. Maybe we can just light the candles one more time?” His face was pleading.