Page 72 of Dear Daddy, Please Want Me

With someone else, he might have worried about being the smaller, lighter one, the one who was being held instead of holding. But with Levi, he just wanted to be close.

They drifted for a while that way, soaking into each others’ bodies. Saul could never get enough of the scent of Levi’s sweat, warm from their exertions.

He only moved when Levi started to shift a little, like he was getting uncomfortable. Saul rolled them both to their sides and rested his head on Levi’s shoulder.

“How was that, my simcha?” he asked against Levi’s skin, testing out the word. His joy.

“Perfect, Abbale.” He could hear the happiness in Levi’s voice just from saying the word.

“Mmmm… It was pretty perfect for me, too. Any other feedback?” It might not be as sexy as just guessing, but checking in after scenes was important.

“Oh, you know. Just that it was probably the best scene in my whole life.”

Saul looked up. “Really?”

“I mean, last night was spectacular, too.”

“I wasn’t fishing for compliments.” Though he couldn’t deny he loved hearing them. He wanted so much to know that he was making Levi happy.

“I know, Daddy. I’m just being honest. It was just… well, technically you didn’t do anything that no one else has ever done. But it was the way that you put them all together. It was like I was flying and never had to come down.

“But more than that,” he continued, “it felt different because you’re my Daddy. Because you care about me. Right?” His voice got a little smaller at the end.

For all his hesitation, Levi was always the bold one. Always one step ahead.

It had only been two days. Well, two days and most of a year of pining. Wasn’t it too soon?

On the other hand, how could he call Levi his boy if he couldn’t admit that he cared about him? Especially when he was looking so hopeful, and when he’d been hurt so badly in the past.

Especially when it was true. “I do care about you. So much more than I probably should right now. But I do.”

“Perfect.”

16

Levi

It was Christmas.

Christmas was weird.

Levi biked through the mostly empty streets. For once, the sun was shining. The air was warm and crisp.

Everything was closed.

A few cars passed by, but nothing like the normal traffic for this time of day. A family walked down the street, chattering, but it didn’t compare to the typical foot traffic.

It was always a Twilight Zone experience walking around on Christmas. Like he’d been ported to some other dimension where ninety percent of the population had been removed and the rest were part of some giant conspiracy.

Obviously, he understood that it was a special family holiday for most people, but it was still strange being an outsider to the largest national holiday of the year. It wasn’t that he wanted to be part of it—the Jews had holidays practically once a month plus Shabbat every week, so he wasn’t struggling on that front.

It was just strange observing the bulk of American culture perform a ritual—largely for marketing purposes as far as he could tell—for about six weeks every year that he wasn’t a part of. It made him feel a little out of sync with the rest of the country. Though it wasn’t as strange as trying to explain Jewish holidays to people.

He turned the corner and discovered that the Bangladeshi grocery store was open. Awesome. Maybe he could stop there and get some drinks and snacks on the way back.

He biked the rest of the way to his favorite Chinese restaurant, one of the few that had a full selection of tasty vegan meat substitutes. He leaned his bike outside. Usually he’d lock it, but there was no one on the sidewalk and the owner was always quick to bring out his order.

They chatted for a few minutes, mostly about how surprisingly sunny it was, and then he was back on his bike, the food nestled in the milk crate over his back tire.