Page 17 of Love Lessons: Expanded Edition

A little part of him also worried that Dustin wouldn’t be interested in him when he presented as a woman. He wasn’t looking for any sort of relationship with Dustin, but he’d hate to lose the opportunity before he even got a taste. So maybe going as Landon was better anyway.

He pulled a navy blue Henley out of his drawer and dragged it over his head.

Then he started berating himself. He’d sworn, after high school, that he wasn’t going to let anyone dictate his gender presentation. He’d made peace with being Landon at work. But no one else, not his parents, not his siblings, not his friends, and especially not a hook-up would ever force him into being someone who he didn’t want to be.

He had worked too hard to be who he was. He’d survived years of bullying as a child, as the weird, Deaf, sissy boy. Later, when he’d figured out more about who he was, he’d lost friends when he refused to “make up his mind” and “only do that where no one can see you.” And he’d still spent years fighting his own inner demons, which were sometimes worse than the ones outside.

He was thriving now. He loved his community, and he loved who he was. He was confident, courageous, and comfortable in his own body.

He stroked the dress again, letting the soft material ripple over his hand. Maybe he should wear it anyway.

He glanced at the clock. Dammit. Hair and makeup took a lot more time. Plus, he’d totally skipped shaving his legs because he’d been too distracted in the shower.

OK, boring and masculine it was. Not that he minded masculine. He kind of liked it now that he had a choice. It could be fun to bro it up sometimes. It just wasn’t what he’d wanted for today.

He tugged on boxers and jeans, then pulled a knit cap over his hair so he wouldn’t have to worry about it. Whatever.

When Landon got to the munch, he noticed Dustin’s coiled posture and strong shoulders before Dustin could see him. He wanted to go over to him, but that was ridiculous. He wanted to play together a few times, not get his approval.

Landon made sure to find the birthday boy before saying hello to anyone else. But he could feel Dustin’s eyes burning into him a moment later.

He offered up the sea-themed gift bag to Tim, who jumped up to collect it. He seemed to be mostly adult today, wearing typical adult clothes which meant he was Tim instead of Timmy, but Landon figured that a stuffy was still an appropriate gift.

Tim drew out the stuffed penguin, which Landon hoped was enough of an ocean creature to interest him. He’d gone to two stores this morning since none of them had any sharks or octopi or anything like that. The penguin was as close as he could get.

Timmy’s eyes lit up, his lips shaping a word that was clearly “Daddy!” He snuggled the penguin against his face.

He turned to his Daddy, David, to show off the toy. Landon didn’t even try to follow their conversation. When Timmy got excited, he forgot that Landon needed to see his mouth to speech read, and David wasn’t really talking to him anyway.

Their body language said it was a good gift, and that was all that mattered.

As Landon turned, Carol offered a hug and then started asking him about an event that they were co-organizing at the club next month. She was a slow talker, so he could speechread about ninety percent of what she was saying. It was usually enough to answer her questions.

He’d long ago stopped trying to figure out every single word when people talked. It was much easier to pretend to understand and nod when appropriate. This conversation was a bit easier because he already had a good sense of what she wanted to talk about from their emails.

Once he got a few questions about the food settled, he drifted further down the table. Dustin was still watching him. He felt a shiver down his spine but didn’t let himself move any faster.

He loved being watched that way. It made him feel important. Desired. Sometimes it was almost a let-down when he finally played with someone, because after a few scenes the heated looks always vanished.

He fell into the next tangle of people who were talking about floggers. There were too many people talking about too many things at once for him to follow it. Instead, he launched into his own story about a flogger he’d seen on the internet with glitter all over it. He couldn’t even imagine having to clean that up. What a disaster. And the skin irritation afterward…

Everyone laughed along with him, and he basked in the attention for a moment. Taking over the conversation so that he didn’t have to speech read was another one of his tricks, and he always kept a few stories ready for situations like this. It gave him a way to feel included without all of the stress of speech reading.

Next, Ash waved him over and he was more than ready to sign. Of course, that meant pulling up a chair to the already full table. Could he help it if that meant sitting next to Dustin?

Dustin’s eyes gleamed and his lips turned up when he said hello. It looked like he appreciated Landon’s proximity.

Ash was telling a story about one of their patients that Landon was pretty sure he’d heard before. Which was good, because he really wanted a moment to look at Dustin. His face, on its own, was unremarkable. He had brown hair, brown eyes, and a slightly pointed nose. His age could be anywhere from late twenties to mid-forties, though Landon guessed it was close to his own mid-thirties.

No, what was so striking about Dustin was the way he held himself. He leaned forward like he was perpetually ready to move, his posture just a bit too straight and intentional. It was the way those dark eyes watched Landon that was really sexy, like if he breathed Dustin wanted to see it.

Landon found that he wanted to see more, too. Dustin’s blue button-down shirt hung open at the collar and Landon kept eyeing the light dusting of hair there, wondering what the rest of him looked like. When he signed, Landon watched his hands, the commanding flow of his words.

He wasn’t the most handsome man Landon had met, but there was something about him. The way that his mouth was just a bit stern. The way that he pierced Landon with his eyes.

It made Landon want to crawl under the table at his feet.

Instead, Landon settled into his chair, “accidentally” brushing their arms together. He really wanted to touch him more, wanted to feel the warmth of his skin without both of their shirts between them.