Page 85 of Love Lessons: Expanded Edition

No, nothing like that at all. Your relationship sounds really… challenging right now. Zhong is just sweet and relaxing. All the time.

But not interested in you like that?

Nope. Not at all. We have a lot of… friendship chemistry, I suppose? It’s just nice to be with him.

It sounds like he must be an awesome guy if you and Dustin are both so infatuated with him. Landon meant it honestly. He wasn’t jealous at all of what Dustin and Zhong had together. And he was genuinely happy that Ash and Zhong had something that was working for them.

Yeah. He really is. Ash looked positively dreamy. Alright, back to your situation, though.

Landon rolled his eyes. He wanted to hear it, but it was a lot of hard truths and decisions that he was struggling with.

Let’s keep playing the hypothesis game, Ash continued. If we say that Dustin is committed to you, and that means, as far as we know, that he doesn’t want you to flirt, hook up, or have scenes with anyone else, could you be happy in that type of relationship?

Landon wanted to have an answer. It should be easy, right? But objections kept jumping through his head. What if things didn’t work out? What if he accidentally flirted with someone and messed everything up? What if Landon was the problem in all of his past relationships? Or what if he couldn’t commit now? What if he was fine with a relationship, but didn’t want to give up as much control as Dustin wanted to take? Or worse, what if he wanted to give all of that control away and he became reliant upon it, like an addiction, and couldn’t survive if Dustin left?

The blanket of sadness started to nestle in again, sneaking into the corners of his brain like tendrils of fog.

He was interrupted when Lola asked to be pushed on the swing, and of course Matt wanted the same thing. The kids flew high into the air and Landon wished that something so simple could make him happy.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that you haven’t answered my question, Ash said between pushes.

I know. I’m trying.

Ash gave Lola a bigger push and then turned to face him. Let me try asking this another way. You just said you would have hooked up with me. And believe me, that would have been hot. I’ve seen you as a Dom and… wow. Ash smirked, flicking their hand at the wrist to show their enthusiasm.

But, Ash continued, it would have been meaningless and over soon, and you’d just be jumping to the next scene. So if you had to choose between a fun hook-up with me or having Dustin as your Daddy, what would you choose?

The idea of having Ash at his mercy was compelling. Especially now that they’d blushingly admitted their crush and turned out to be so insightful and kind. Landon would have loved to take them apart and make them soar.

But it clarified something even more important. If he had to choose? He’d choose Dustin every time. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t just the most amazing sex he’d had in his life or discovering a new kink, it was that Dustin knew when he took his lunch break and sent him texts just as he opened his lunch. It was the way that Dustin had taken him running in a new park.

And it was impossible to separate all of that from how it felt when he told Dustin “make me,” and Dustin did.

There really wasn’t any comparison.

Um, I kind of feel like a dick saying this… This was one of those times when Landon hated how much eye contact signing required. He felt terrible that Ash had apparently been crushing on him and he hadn’t even noticed. Especially now that he was getting to know them better.

If things were different… but he wasn’t going to go down that path. Any glow of excitement he felt about Ash was overshadowed by his tumult of emotions for Dustin.

Let me guess... I solved all your problems because I’m brilliant? Ash's smile was just a little too bright.

They were obviously deflecting, but there wasn’t much Landon could do except to follow their lead and not make a big deal about it. Yeah, I mean… I do actually find you attractive. And I would have hooked up with you if I knew.

But not anymore?

Yeah.

Ash shrugged. I know. We wouldn’t have been a good fit anyway. It looks like we both need Daddies.

Who knew? I guess.

Oh, that’s another question. I know you’re a switch, but if Dustin doesn’t want you playing with other people, how do you feel about losing that?

That question was actually easier. I think I’m maybe eighty or ninety percent submissive. When I’m dominant it feels more like a way of pleasing the other person than something I really do for myself. It’s kind of fun for a change of pace, and I like exploring, but I don’t think I need it in my life.

Ash nodded. I think a lot of people like to switch occasionally even if they have a preference. Most of them just don’t act on it as much as you have.

Wow. Ash really had been watching him. It was kind of sweet, but definitely not going to go anywhere now.