Page 40 of Love Limits

Dustin shook his head, so Zhong just led him to the couch and held him close. For a long time, neither of them said a word, soaking up each others’ presence.

When Zhong’s back started to twinge, he laid down and pulled Dustin on top of him, arms and legs entangled. Dustin buried his face in Zhong’s shoulder, and Zhong could feel each puff of his breath against his neck.

Zhong had been with Dustin through all of his past break-ups, but this one was different. Usually by the time it was over, Dustin was more analytical—berating himself for his mistakes, but able to piece it together into something he could work with and learn from.

This was just pain, fresh and raw.

And it had only been… what. Five or six dates? A few months? Zhong didn’t have enough information to figure out if this meant that Landon was terrible for Dustin or someone who fit him so well that he was worth wading through this emotional minefield.

It hurt Zhong’s heart seeing Dustin like this, so torn up and shaking out of his skin. It had been a philosophical problem until Zhong was in it, and now he just wanted to make everything better.

He couldn’t though. It wasn’t his relationship. As usual, he could be there, but he couldn’t give Dustin what Landon hopefully could.

He stroked Dustin’s back instead, trying to communicate all of his love and care with his hands.

After some interminable amount of time, Dustin pulled back far enough to talk. I messed up with Landon.

Want to tell me about it? Zhong nudged Dustin until he was sitting up and they could both see each other, legs tangled together and feet nestled against thighs.

I gave him an ultimatum. It was stupid. He was flirting at the munch and I was jealous. I shouldn’t have been jealous.

Yup, sounded pretty stupid. Though maybe Zhong didn’t understand, since he’d never felt jealous in his life. Envious, yes. When Dustin spent time with other people instead of him, he desperately wanted to have a space, too. He didn’t want Dustin’s partners to leave, though, unless they weren’t good for him. So there was clearly something he was missing out on.

People seemed to think that jealousy was a natural human response. They said that about sex, too.

He took a stab at it. I don’t know much about jealousy, but it sounds like the problem was how you handled it.

Yeah.

Do you think that he might be scared or uncertain? Zhong asked. You said he gets nervous about intimacy. That was what Ash had implied, too.

Yeah. That or he just doesn’t want it.

If he really doesn’t want a relationship, that doesn’t sound like a good fit for you.

I know.

But if he does, maybe he just needs you to let him know that he’s safe. Maybe he needs some clearer communication about what you want and a little more patience. That seemed like what Ash would say. Zhong was fervently grateful that none of his friendships had ever been this tumultuous. All of the drama just sounded like it wasn’t worth it.

You think so?

I don’t know. But I think you could start by apologizing to him and being more patient next time.

Yeah, you’re definitely right. Dustin gave him a weak smile. Do you think I should contact him now?

Zhong shrugged. Maybe give him a while to think things through? And for Zhong to check in with Ash. He’d felt a few buzzes in his pocket, but ignored them since just being with Dustin was more important.

Let’s at least have some lunch first. Or dinner? Late afternoon snack? Zhong kissed Dustin’s knee, then eased it off his lap.

I’m not sure I can eat right now.

I’ll make something light. Zhong wandered into the kitchen, perused the fridge, and then checked his phone.

Ash: landon’s feeling a bit better

Ash: probably won’t be back for a while, though

Ash: have to drop off the kids first