Page 79 of Love Limits

Yeah, I suppose. I have to eventually if we’re going to have sex.

Zhong smirked. What a terrible idea.

That got Ash to laugh.

I mean, really. Just keep your clothes on. Problem solved. If only it were that easy. But Zhong was ready to change the topic, and sex was always funny.

Ash giggled some more.

That’s actually a legit question I have though. Like, I always hear about how no one has sex after they’ve been married a couple years anyway. I mean, how often do normal people expect to have sex?

Ash gave him a look of exaggerated shock. I can’t believe that you of all people would call sexual people normal.

Zhong laughed. No, I actually meant normal like not-in-college. When I asked Dustin once he said every night.

That’s hilarious. Was he eighteen?

Maybe nineteen? I was like… how is that even healthy? It’s not like brushing your teeth or something. Doesn’t your dick get sore?

Ash collapsed back onto the floor in giggles. Zhong helped out by tickling their foot under the coffee table until they pulled it away.

They gave him a wary glance when they finally sat up, but he held up his hands in surrender. Ash finally settled back against the table and he stroked their leg this time instead. They seemed to enjoy that and he always did, too. It was just nice to touch someone. Especially someone like Ash.

The two of them went through a couple quick rounds of pulling more train cars and filling in short hops.

So… honestly? If I had to imagine my ideal relationship? I’d maybe want to have sex two or three times a week. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it or I’m tired or whatever. And realistically, I’d be cool with a lot less. I guess once a week at least? I hadn’t really thought about it like this before.

Really what’s important, they continued, is the kinky aspects. It’s like my place to relax and be free. It’s what I need to feel like I’m fully myself.

So how often would that be? Zhong was taking this all in. It was important.

I mean, in an ideal world again, I’d love to have play time or pup time maybe two or three times a week. Which could, you know, be the same as the sex times. But it’s also like… I want someone who’s going to be my Daddy all the time. Even when I’m just regular grown-up Ash, I want someone who packs me cute little lunches and tells me I did a good job when I finish my chores. I want someone who helps me put on my pajamas and tucks me into bed at night.

Zhong felt that warm thing in his chest again. He packed Ash cute little lunches every time they came over. And he’d put Ash into their pajamas when they were little right?

The rest of it sounded kind of adorable. At least when he was imagining Ash’s delighted expression instead of thinking about the acts generically. He did have one question, though. Why would you do chores if you have a Caregiver to take care of you?

Ash giggled. I know, right! Actually, though, the chores are part of it. I’m still an adult and I’d still want to contribute equally to the household. I want to bring in my paycheck and take turns washing the dishes or whatever. It’s more just a feeling. If I do all of my chores and my Caregiver gives me a kiss and a sticker, then I know that I’m appreciated and valued. And then when my Caregiver does exactly the same household work while I get to play or help him, it feels like he’s taking care of me.

Ah. That makes a lot of sense. A hell of a lot more sense than sex, actually. It seemed to be less about the actions and more about the meaning behind them. He wondered if Dustin knew all this.

It gave Zhong a lot to think about. And maybe worry about. Ash seemed to need this, but he knew they hadn’t been in a relationship for months, and before that it was with a couple who sounded like they hadn’t had much time for Ash.

Are you, I don’t know, feeling unhealthy right now since you’re not in a relationship? Zhong asked. Or like you’re not your full self?

Ash considered it, seeming to choose their words carefully. Maybe not unhealthy. But when I don’t have a Caregiver, I’m definitely missing something. Like I’m existing instead of thriving.

Oh. That was serious. Maybe Zhong shouldn’t be envious about Ash finding a Caregiver if it was this important to identity and wellbeing. I never would have known. You always seem so cheerful whenever I see you.

Ash gave him another look that he couldn’t quite read. Like he was supposed to understand something but he didn’t. He only had hopes for impossible things. I’m happy around you because we get to play board games and you feed me.

That matched Zhong’s analysis of being a substitute Caregiver. Maybe even a secondary one. Kind of like a placeholder until Ash could get his 24/7 Caregiver. If that was even what it was called.

Zhong wasn’t sure if that was good or bad, really. But if Ash was having a second date, that made the situation much more immediate.

He’d need to think about it more when he didn’t have so many competing ideas swirling around in his head.

Right now, he was epically losing at Ticket to Ride. He pushed everything to the back of his mind for later and took stock of the board again. Yeah, he wasn’t going to win this one.