Page 90 of Love Limits

What are your plans for the day? They’d barged in on Landon this morning, so they should probably get out of his hair.

Landon’s eyes lit up. I’m actually packing up some of my stuff, if you want to stick around.

Really?

Yup. I’m going to live with Daddy for the rest of the summer. We just decided last week. This is kind of a test run, but if it works out, I’m going to give up my lease in November. If it doesn’t, I still have my apartment and we take things more slowly.

Wow. Does that feel fast to you?

I mean, yes and no. I threw myself into relationships before and got hurt. Then I started pushing people away. So I really have no idea. But Daddy’s pretty good about having me try things out. Plus, it’s summer break so I would have been over there every night anyway. This way I don’t have to come back to water my plants.

Well, I’m happy for you then. Do you want to point me toward something I can pack up?

Nah… I’m just bringing over all my clothes and the cactuses. Well, and the comic books and makeup. The important things. He winked. He’s already got plenty of furniture and kitchen stuff. And integrating our libraries feels like a pain in the butt when we’re calling it a test drive.

Fair enough. I can hang out while you pack then. Just kick me out when you get bored.

I won’t. And while I’m packing, I want all of the dirty details from your scenes last week.

They’re very clean details, Ash replied primly.

Spill ’em.

***

By the middle of the next week, Ash wasn’t feeling as confident. They had a plan: Mosh on Thursday with Josh. See how it goes. Then talk to Zhong.

Except that every possibility felt like it could end in disaster. If they chose Josh, they’d have to take a huge step back from Zhong, and just imagining that felt like losing their foundation of everything that made things right in the world.

Plus, it would hurt him a lot. They’d already seen how he looked when he talked about Dustin’s abandonment, and they couldn’t bear to make him go through that when all they wanted to do was curl up in his arms.

But if they said no to Josh, they were stuck back in limbo. Zhong might be the best natural Daddy on the planet, but if he didn’t want to embrace that role it would hurt every time they were together. If he still thought they should both keep trying to date other people, it would be heartbreaking.

With all of that going through their head, they’d been a mess when Zhong had come over a few days ago. He’d insisted they go out to dinner when Ash didn’t have enough vegetables in the house, and it had been so much like a date, with Zhong looking deeply into Ash’s eyes with that ready grin and intertwining their ankles under the table.

Ash had told Zhong all about the second date with Josh, and then it felt like the two of them were on a disastrous date of their own. Zhong had picked up on Ash’s stress, and he probably had some of his own. He’d acted excited about Josh, genuinely happy that Ash had found someone, but with an underlying sadness that lurked around his eyes.

No matter how much Ash prodded, though, he would only say that he was “thinking about some things.” Ash knew that Zhong needed time to process, mostly because he’d said it so often himself.

But Ash was impatient. Did Zhong want Ash to mean more to him? Or was he worried about being left behind, repeating the same cycle he’d been through with Dustin? Were those even two different things or the same?

By the time the two of them got back to Ash’s place, Ash had been kind of a wreck. If there was ever a time that they could have used the comfort of regression, this was it.

But they hadn’t had the courage to ask, not when they were trying to prepare for the possibility of giving someone else a real chance.

So Zhong had fussed over them and given them extra scoops of ice cream. Finally, he’d just told Ash to get ready for bed and then pulled them into his arms. Completely engulfed by Zhong wrapped around their back and fluffy blankets on all sides, the two of them had finished three crossword puzzles together.

It had been intimate and sweet and so perfect that Ash just wanted to cry.

They’d worked themself to exhaustion the next two days, putting in a few extra hours and then starting design projects they would probably never finish until late at night.

They’d visited their mother the next day and spilled it all out, but her advice was much the same. See where things go with Josh. Talk to Zhong.

They felt stretched like a rubber band that was about to burst.

It didn’t help that both men were sending them adoring texts. Even if half of Zhong’s were reminders to eat and sleep. They’d been kind of ignoring those ones, though, because they were too stressed to do either. Which just made them feel guilty.

Now they had another free day, but Zhong had to get some work done. They could have gone over anyway and cuddled next to him while he worked, but they knew it wouldn’t really solve anything.