Page 107 of All Tied Up

When Sebastian finally paused, Neil slipped in a soft “hello.” He didn’t have the confidence to say Sir.

“Neil,” Sebastian sighed. Was that relief? Frustration? Exhaustion?

Neil couldn’t decide.

“Hi,” he said again, not quite sure where to start now that they were talking. He had a spiel prepared about financing options for loans, but he suddenly couldn’t remember any of it. He just wanted to hear Sebastian’s voice. He wanted him to smile again. To call him baby boy.

“How are you… Oh dammit, hang on.”

Sebastian put him on hold. The music should have been soft and relaxing, but it set his teeth on edge. The longer it went on, the more Neil was second-guessing everything. Was Sebastian in so far over his head that he couldn’t spare a moment to talk? Or was Neil too low on his priority list to rate a response?

Eventually the line connected again, but it was Maria’s voice on the other end. “Hello, Meadowlark Lodge and Climbing Adventures. How can I help you?”

“Hey, Maria, it’s Neil. Um… is Sebastian around?”

“He’s in the back with the arborists. Um… you were helping him with financial stuff, right?”

“Yeah,” Neil replied eagerly. “I have some ideas.”

“Could any of them work within, say… the next three weeks?”

Shit. Was that when Sebastian was planning on shutting things down? It was a terrible idea. Most of the overhead on the place right now was paying off loans, not ongoing new costs, so even if Sebastian wanted to sell, he should keep business going as much as possible.

The only explanation Neil had was that he’d just given up.

The thought of it was heartbreaking. Not just for the future of the Meadowlark, but because of that cold, distant look in Sebastian’s eyes. Giving up the lodge would crush him.

“Yeah, some of the plans could work that soon,” Neil finally answered. Selling his investments online would take seconds.

“Well, I’ll try to get him to call you. It’s been crazy around here.”

“Thanks.” There didn’t seem to be anything more to do except wait for Sebastian to call.

And try not to dream of anything more.

* * *

By Sunday night, Neil’s stomach was in knots of worry, even though he told himself it wasn’t any of his business. Levi had invited him to go out dancing, but the last thing he wanted was to watch Levi in his Daddy’s arms, basking in everything that Neil wanted but couldn’t have.

He sent Levi a quick text to decline, but Levi didn’t want to let it go. Neil had been so enthusiastic when he’d texted his friend last Sunday to say he was staying a few more days, but now he wished he’d never told him. Last Sunday felt like a whole different lifetime.

Eventually, he stopped responding to Levi’s texts and just lay down on the couch, one arm hiding his eyes.

When the doorbell rang, Neil was excited for a moment, hoping against hope that Jamie and Sebastian were at his apartment. He tried not to show his disappointment when he saw Levi waving in the doorbell video and Saul standing just behind him.

But he couldn’t exactly leave them in the lobby when they’d come all this way.

Levi burst into the apartment with a grocery bag, followed closely by Saul with a pizza box.

“Hey, guys,” he said, trying to muster up some enthusiasm. “You didn’t need to come over.”

“Yes we did,” Levi assured him, spilling the bag open on his kitchen counter. “We need to cheer you up, so Daddy said I could get extra treats. And we can make these over the stove!”

Neil took one look at the display and rubbed his hand over his chest. His heart hurt, like something was physically breaking inside. Levi had brought all the things for s’mores, and all Neil could think about was Jamie.

Jamie had promised him s’mores. S’mores and campfires and meadowlark songs. Promised him a future. Or at least it felt like it at the time. Did that mean anything now?

“Hey,” Saul put a hand on Neil’s shoulder. “Do you want a hug?”