Page 11 of Pretty ’n Peak

There was a long beat. So long that Austin started to feel uncomfortable. It happened all the time. Mateo was probably taking in Austin’s white cane and thick glasses, putting things together. Sometimes people were afraid to touch him because he was blind—either ignorant enough to worry that it was communicable, or overcompensating by trying not to “help” him in the wrong way, trying to incorrectly anticipate his needs instead of just asking. It was frustrating.

But when Mateo’s calloused hand finally met his, Austin realized it was trembling. Poor thing, indeed.

“Hey, uh, hello.” Mateo’s voice was deep and full, vowels holding a faint melodic lilt of Spanish. “I’m Mateo.”

A sound came from across the room—a bird’s whistle like a falling waterfall. Austin wouldn’t have recognized it out of context, but he knew that it was a special signal between Jamie and his Daddy. It was the call of a meadowlark, like the name of the lodge.

“Hey, I need to get some things ready.” Jamie gave Austin’s arm one last squeeze. “You two OK?”

“I’ve got this,” Austin confirmed. He was still holding Mateo’s hand. He hadn’t meant to, but the poor guy was shaking like a leaf. It was possible that he had some form of neurological disorder that caused the tremors, but given the hesitancy in his voice, it seemed more like nerves.

Taking a risk, he let his cane drop against his chest and wrapped both hands around the one Mateo had offered. “You doin’ OK, kiddo?”

There was a puff of air. “I mean, if I’m supposed to be terrified, I think I’m doing alright.”

He laughed, like he was intended to. He liked this guy. Honest. Funny. Able to make a joke, even when he was nervous.

“I remember the first time I went to a kink club,” Austin told him. “I’d looked it up online and I didn’t know shit about how anything worked. There was a section for folks to just observe and relax, and I must have sat there for an hour, even though I couldn’t see a damn thing. I could hear it, though. People getting whipped or slapped, all the moans and cries. When I finally took a step into the main area, this sub approached me right away—he must have been waiting for me, which now that I think of it was a bit weird—and I got so panicked that I turned right back around.”

Mateo’s laugh was open and free, rich like chocolate. And his hand had almost stopped shaking. “My first time in a gay bar was like that. I probably stood outside for twenty minutes before I followed this group of guys in.”

“What happened?”

“I drank a beer.”

Now they were laughing together.

“Oh, God.” Austin picked up the conversation. “I remember my first gay event. It was the most thrilling moment in my life, and I was panicking inside. I can’t even tell you all the crazy things I was thinking. Like, I thought they were going to throw me out because someone’s mystical gaydar would be like, ‘beep, beep, beep… not a gay, doesn’t belong here!’ I thought I’d have to prove it or something.”

“Yeah,” Mateo agreed. “I was worried about that, and at the same time that I’d be… I dunno. Lured into the bathroom for a blowjob, just for walking in. Like the big, bad gays would smell fresh blood and jump all over me.” They laughed together, then Mateo added softly, “That was only two years ago.”

Austin squeezed his hand, feeling protective. The boy wasn’t just new to kink, he was new to being gay, too. Probably looking for a mentor and community. “Everyone starts somewhere. After that first gay event, I figured there’d be a flashing neon sign over my head and everyone would know I was gay forever. Turns out coming out is something you have to do over and over again.”

Mateo’s fingers clenched. “I’m actually not out yet.”

Austin didn’t judge, because everyone had their own path to travel. But he couldn’t help but feel a sense of sorrow. He’d dated a closeted guy back in college, and it had been painful for both of them. He’d always felt like a dirty little secret, and his boyfriend was constantly second-guessing things. It was a hard road to travel for both of them, and one he would never be willing to go down again.

“Do you think the people around you would accept you?” Austin asked gently. That was the thing about coming out—it was easy to recommend it, but it could be truly dangerous for people in some situations. Even as adults.

“I truly have no idea. My family… They tease me for being suave.” He pronounced the word in melodic Spanish. “Like, kind of gentle and soft. And sometimes it’s kind of affectionate.” Which meant that sometimes it wasn’t. “But my mom and my baby sister watch RuPaul’s Drag Race so… maybe it would be okay? But it’s more just… Catholic culture. Officially, it’s a mortal sin. I don’t think they know anyone who’s gay, or they don’t know that they know anyone who’s gay. I’d like to think that they’d accept me, but…”

Austin’s heart ached for the boy. Religions could be toxic, even if his family was supportive. And from his examples, it sounded like Mateo might be more on the feminine side, which didn’t bode well in a macho culture. “You’re close with them?”

Mateo snorted. “I live with them.” His fingers tightened suddenly. “Oh, God. That made me sound like a teenager. I rent a separate apartment above my parents, but I used to own a house down the block. I renovated the whole thing, but then my brother had his fourth kid and I sold it to him. And my whole family all lives pretty close. Like, within two blocks. Except my sister. Um, yeah. So I’m close with my family.”

Austin hid a smile. Mateo was trying so hard and it was kind of cute. “It sounds like you’re a man of many talents.” He rubbed his thumb over Mateo’s fingers. “I was wondering what these calluses were from.”

He felt Mateo tremble again, but this time it felt different. Like a tingle of arousal passing between them. Mateo’s hand was so wide and thick, rough from heavy use, but so gentle when he nestled it in Austin’s palm.

Had Austin been flirting? He didn’t mean to be flirting.

Mateo’s voice came back husky. “Yeah. I, um, do construction. It’s a family business.”

Austin had to get this conversation back on track. “Ah. So coming out would really be your whole life.”

“Yeah. I mean, and they truly have no idea. I didn’t even know. My first and only girlfriend was my sister’s best friend in high school. We were together for years. I never even thought to wonder who I was attracted to because Linda was always there.”

“And then you broke up?”