Page 73 of Pretty ’n Peak

The path turned, and suddenly they were looking out over the gorge, the whole world dropping away before them to reveal layer upon layer of the earth’s majesty. The sparkling river lined by smooth stones, boulders that had come tumbling down, shaken by storms and time. So many colors of green that there couldn’t be words for them all.

He itched again to paint them.

“We’re at the end of the trail,” Mateo noted, breaking the silence. “This is the outlook.”

“I came out here yesterday. Before you were awake.” Austin gave him a little squeeze, just a quick tightening of his fingers at Mateo’s waist, but it still had his pulse racing.

It felt almost like a boyfriend thing to do.

The two of them, on a romantic walk, alone in the world as the sun kissed the last drops of dew from the leaves.

What would it be like to have a boyfriend like this? Who touched him so casually and affectionately, even in public? Who held him while he cried and picked flowers for his hair and commanded him to come in a voice that would echo in his fantasies for years? Who called him beautiful and wanted him to wear pretty things?

Mateo didn’t delude himself that all of these experiences that made him feel like the center of Austin’s world were anything out of the ordinary for an experienced Dom.

He was more than aware that Austin hadn’t initiated any of their interactions. Jamie had introduced them the first night, and then Austin had offered to spank him to relieve his fears about a bigger scene. The next morning, Mateo knew Austin needed to check on him, which led to spending the day together. Then the whole public scene had been instigated by Master Carlos.

Even all of the sweet words that Austin called him—those seemed to turn on and off like a faucet. He was sweet boy and darling when they were doing something kinky or sexual, or in this case when he’d been bawling his eyes out.

But the rest of the time he was just Mateo. A friend. A guy to hang out with.

Mateo turned away from the overlook, Austin still squeezing him close as they started back toward the lodge.

The guys he’d gone kayaking with yesterday told him about how quickly bonds could form—or seem to form—in the kink world. They’d even warned him about sub-frenzy. One of them called it candy-store syndrome, where he might get so excited about kink that he took too many risks and made bad choices, even when he knew it would, metaphorically, rot his teeth and give him a stomach ache.

They were all good warnings, and he could see how Austin had been helping to put the brakes on for him, to help him define his limits and advocate for his needs.

The problem was, it didn’t feel like it was kink he was becoming addicted to. It was Austin.

Or at least Austin’s form of attentive care. It was hard to untangle the Daddy Dom experiences from the person. Even harder to untangle so much intimacy from a deeper connection. It felt special and personal, like they shared something meaningful.

Austin had probably had dozens, maybe even hundreds, of these experiences. They wouldn’t mean anything after they both checked out this afternoon.

Mateo had also noticed the air of melancholy that surrounded Austin whenever he got lost in thought. When they weren’t in a scene, or discussing something directly related to Mateo’s experiences, Austin was distracted and disengaged. Maybe even depressed.

Austin had a whole life that he didn’t know much about. Austin’s words said that he enjoyed his work, but his eyes told another story. And he’d laughed about his friends bringing him out here as an intervention, but the hints he gave about his ex said there was a lot of truth behind it.

Austin hadn’t come here looking for a scene, let alone a relationship.

Mateo was just lucky enough to have found a Dom who could provide his training wheels while he wobbled along the path into kink.

It felt like the time was slipping through his fingers. They’d already lost yesterday to Austin’s work.

He wanted to take advantage of it. Grasp it for everything it was worth.

Not just the kink but… maybe some of the gender stuff, too. He didn’t know when he’d get another chance.

“Do you think Sebastian or Jamie would mind talking with me today?”

Austin gave him a squeeze. “I’m sure they’d both be happy to. My understanding is that even when they’re working, things are usually pretty flexible after the breakfast rush. And anyone who’s around is going to be supportive.”

“I think I’m still a bit overwhelmed. With the… gender stuff? I don’t even know where to start. You listed about a dozen things earlier, but I didn’t even know what some of them were.”

“Sure, though I’m not the expert. I guess one place to start is gender identity and gender expression. As I understand it, gender identity is who you are. Maybe you’re a man, or a woman, or a nonbinary person, or someone who’s male sometimes and female other times… but all of that is your gender identity. Then gender expression is… huh. This is hard to explain, even though I’ve read about it a dozen times. OK, gender expression is how you want to present yourself to the world. Or to yourself, I guess. It’s clothes and mannerisms and probably even speech patterns. How you appear.”

“I’m not sure I understand the difference.” He felt like he was just on the edge of it.

“I guess the point is that your gender identity and your gender expression—and for that matter your gender assignment at birth, don’t all have to match. You can be assigned male, know that you’re female, and express your gender as something that doesn’t fit into either category. Or you can be assigned male, identify as male, and enjoy wearing pretty things.”