Page 138 of What About Us

Because I’m not in a place mentally where I can have this conversation sober. My heart speeds up, my hands are shaking, and my upper lip breaks out in a sweat.

Britney frowns at me, but I smile at her because that’s just what I do when I’m freaking out.

I pretend that I’m not losing my shit.

Everything’s fine.

I’m fine.

“Ivy, should Trevor be back in action so soon after that groin strain? I think he went back way too fast.”

I’m shaking my head before she even finishes the sentence.

“You know, I would have to see his injury report and talk to him. It’s really different with every patient.”

“And we’re not working tonight,” Brit adds with that sweet southern smile.

Someone changes the subject to concerts they want to see, and Britney takes me by the hand and leads me through the sliding glass door and out to the balcony that has a great view of the city. There’s no snow right now, but I can see my breath in the chilly winter air.

“Take a deep breath, honey.”

“Oh, I’m fine, you didn’t⁠—”

“Bullshit.” That smile hasn’t slipped. “You’re not fine. I know you better than that. And if you don’t want to talk about what’s got your breeches up your ass, that’s fine with me. We can just sit out here for a spell and get some fresh air.”

“Did you know that your accent is thicker when you’ve been drinking?”

Britney laughs and nods. “I’ve been told a time or two. It’s a nice night.”

I nod and then shiver. “It’s cold as fuck.”

“Well, it’s winter in Colorado, so yeah, it’s cold. But I want to make sure that you’re okay.”

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. I never talk about my anxiety. I tried, once, and I was told to just suck it up. To think happy thoughts and move on to something else.

That doesn’t help, but obviously no one wants to hear about my issues.

“I’m just worried, I guess.”

Brit nods. “What’s worrying you, Ivy?”

I rub my hand over the back of my neck. “I just don’t want Xander to get hurt again.”

It’s so much more than that. I don’t want him to forget me again.

“He’s a professional athlete,” she reminds me. “And he’s damn good at his job. The injuries aren’t common, you know.”

I nod. I know she’s right.

“Honey, you should talk to Xander. He can reassure you. He’d want to know that you’re scared. That man’s crazy about you, and he would not want you to be this upset on his account.”

I can’t talk to him about this and make him question me and how much I support him. I can’t.

“Honestly, it’s just my own anxiety. It’s fine. I know he’ll be okay. He’s not being reckless or anything, and he’s taking the appropriate time and precautions before he gets back on the ice.”

I nod and offer her a smile.

“But thanks for the fresh air and the chat.”