Page 160 of Lose You Twice

“Right now, I’m needed here,” I say honestly. “In a few months, he’ll be fourteen hours away. Depending on how my mom’s schedule changes, I have no idea when I’d be able to make the drive, and we both know he won’t have much time until next offseason. I don’t know where, or if, I fit into his plans.”

Harlow’s face softens, and I have to look away when my eyes start to sting. My life was a lot less complicated when I was abroad, but I sure missed what I left behind here.

“I know that sounds dramatic.” I pick up a pretzel and break it in half, then in half again. “We just got back together. I don’t want to make it heavy already.”

“Talking about something doesn’t make it heavy.”

I give her a look.

“Okay,” she says. “Sometimes it does. But ignoring it doesn’t make it light.”

Across the quad, someone laughs loudly, and a couple walks past holding hands. The girl is wearing the guy’s jacket, and he keeps looking down at her like he forgot where he was going.

I think about Kai looking for me through the glass at practice.

I think about him in Seattle.

I think about not being there.

My chest hurts, so I change the subject before it can get worse.

“I have an appointment next week.”

Harlow blinks. “For what?”

“My gynecologist.”

Her teasing disappears immediately. “When?”

“Tuesday morning.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m telling you now.”

She gives me a flat look.

I pull my sleeves down over my hands. “It’s just more follow-up. The cramps and bleeding and everything. They told me to track symptoms before I left for London, so I did, and now I’m going back.”

“Have they all been as bad as your most recent one?”

I sigh. “Pretty bad. I’ve had to take a lot of pain relievers over the last few months, and I think I should consider buying stock in tampons.”

She doesn’t laugh at my joke. “And they haven’t given you any idea of what it could be?”

“Not really, no. I googled my symptoms, and it all aligns with pretty much any women-related issue. Endometriosis. PCOS. Hormones. Stress. All the fun words.” I try to make it sound lighter than it feels. “So maybe this appointment will actually narrow it down if someone will pay attention and listen.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, I know they’re at least going to order some blood work, so I’m trying to remain optimistic."

“Do you want me to come?” she offers.

I shake my head. “I think I’m okay going alone to this one.”

Her expression shifts. “Does Kai know?”

“Not yet, no. And I’d greatly appreciate you not telling him. He was kind enough to notice I didn’t feel well a couple weeks ago and made sure I stayed hydrated. I’m not hiding it forever. I just don’t want him worrying before there’s anything to worry about.”