Page 64 of The History in Us

Levi

“I got the interview,” I said sheepishly. My heart raced with the statement. I couldn’t believe it. Jet Markenson had pulled through for me and set me up with his connection, but I was worried how Katie would receive the news. She stopped typing on her computer. Suddenly, she launched toward me, knocking me back into the corner of the couch.

“Why didn’t you say something earlier? That’s amazing.” Her enthusiasm was more than I expected but contagious. It was amazing.

“It’s not a promise of anything. Just an interview, but…”

“I still think that’s super exciting.” Her voice rose and I became hyperaware of her nails working on the back of my head. She had this way of scratching my skull that made my skin tingle, but I held in the prickles, enjoying the sharp pulse. It brought me peace, something I didn’t recognize the first few times she did it.

“It is exciting,” I said, my voice lowering, reminiscent of the shock. When Jet called me to schedule a time to meet in his office with Phil Jakobach, I couldn’t believe it. I fumbled with my calendar although I knew my schedule was clear. I scribbled everything down in shaky handwriting and panicked afterward that I’d copied incorrectly. An hour later, his secretary called to confirm the time.

“Your dream is coming true,” Katie said softly, her nails tenderly soothing. She straddled my lap but she wasn’t looking at my face. I stared at the freckles on hers, fading like the late fall months. Her eyes lowered, yet I’d know that lake blue anywhere. Looking up at me, she smiled slowly. My heart squeezed. Katie was wrong. Not all my dreams had come true. The weight of her on my thighs sparked the thought that there might be more than my original plan. I thought I knew what I wanted next in life, but I sensed what I needed was sitting in my lap, literally. I shook the idea from my head when she leaned toward me and kissed me briefly. “Congratulations.”

The word struck another chord. How could I leave her behind? I didn’t wish to think about losing her, so I wrapped my arms around her waist and tugged her closer to me, taking more than the brisk kiss she gave. Breathless in minutes, I shifted to scoop her up. I had another way to celebrate my good fortune, and carrying her to my room, I planned to show her.

It had been a week since the first time. I panicked afterward, blurting out the stupidest thing. It made no difference to me that I’d been bare inside her. I knew she was innocent and risk free, but the tear at her eye pinched my chest. Had I hurt her? Had I taken too much? I was overwhelmed by what I felt buried deep inside her. I’d always believed home was a physical structure—a building with four walls and running water. Being with Katie changed that image for me. She’d ruined me, because now visions of comfort and closeness slipped into my thoughts. Home was still physical but had nothing to do with wood and windows, and everything to do with Katie’s body.

Jeans removed. Bra gone. I stared down at Katie while I peeled off my own clothes. If I got the job, would she wait for me? When I could come home, would this still be the place I’d find her? In my bed, ready for me. The thought had crossed my mind numerous times since accepting the interview. Seeing her spread out on my bed waiting for me, the fear of losing her pinched at my heart. To distract myself from the loss of her, I decided to claim her. I started with her ankles and smoothed my hands higher. Reaching her knees, I climbed up on the bed, before lowering my face between her thighs.

Her breathy call of my name was all I needed to hear before my mouth covered her, savoring. I loved how I read her sighs and the shifting of her thighs to know she was close. Then I withdrew. My name hissed from her lips.

“Greedy?” I chuckled and the slow nod of her head, lazy, like she was drunk on me, returned me to slick skin seeping for more. She came within seconds and I crawled over her, anticipating the sensation of filling her. My skin prickled, enjoying too much the sudden rush of entering her, feeling her wrapped around me, and holding me deep within her. Katie held onto me like I might escape, and in that moment, I loved the thrill of being captured. We raced to the finish line and came hard.

Heavy breaths and racing hearts filled the room. Each time we were together it felt more intense, and I wondered again if she’d wait for me. If I got the job. If I had to leave. Collapsing next to her after cleaning her up, I rolled her to wrap around her.

“I’ve read your story, Katie,” I whispered in the late darkness of my room. Katie stilled in my arms. She’d let me sample one of her tales, and I thought she’d climb the walls waiting for me to finish reading. It was a part of her soul and she offered it to me. I didn’t take the gift for granted.

“I want your dreams to come true, too.” She paused, sighing heavily before she spoke.

“I always thought I’d come to Chicago, find my mother, feel some closure and move on. I’d write my stories, find a publisher and live in my own little world of success. Instead, I’m struggling to find a copy edit job, and working at a store filled with recycled stuff.” She stopped abruptly.

“Do you have other dreams? What about marriage? Kids?” I don’t know why I was even asking, except she was definitely the marrying type. I felt her stiffen in my arms. I didn’t think I’d ever propose again after my failed first attempt but Katie Carter deserved a wedding and children. Romance was for and about girls like her. The thought struck me. Someone else would hold her each night. Someone else’s kid she would cradle. Someone else’s head she’d soothe with tender scratching. I suddenly didn’t want an answer to my questions.

“Marriage?” she chuckled, the sound bitter. “I hope someday. But that’s a fantasy. Falling in love. Sharing the bond of children. Being blissfully happy.” Her voice fell away, and I was regretting I asked. Her normally wistful descriptions sounded harsh and sarcastic, unlike her. I didn’t believe for a second Katie didn’t believe in happily ever after. She loved love, but could she love me? Did I love her? We were having fun. I liked her. A lot. She didn’t pressure me for anything, and she loved AJ, but could she love me? I was complicated and I came with a ton of baggage, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to be a sliver of her dreams.

“Aren’t you happy now?” I questioned, holding my breath. I didn’t know anything about that word blissfully, but I was happy with her in my arms. Happier than I’d been in a long time. Happier than I should have been. Happier than I deserved.

She shifted to look over her shoulder, and blue eyes pierced mine even in the darkness.

“I’m happy,” she said softly, but her voice sounded sad. We remained quiet several minutes before she spoke again.

“Levi, come home with me for Thanksgiving. Don’t stay here alone. AJ is welcome, too, of course. My aunt and uncle would love to see you.” What started as a slowly building question skyrocketed to a rush of words and justification. We’d already had this discussion. I wasn’t going, but then a second thought occurred. Maybe she wasn’t asking me to go home but asking me to meet her family? Those were two different things. Ironically, I already had. I had strong knowledge of the Carters, especially my former teacher and basketball coach, but it had been years since I’d seen them. I should be ashamed of my absence from them. At a time when I needed guidance and strength, they were there for me, holding together the fractured puzzle pieces of my life. Leon gave me rides to and from practice before I could drive. Tricia often had me over for dinner and helped me with homework. They were the ones who hosted a graduation party/going away party for me. Like proud parents, they were more family than my own. But meeting Katie’s folks wasn’t exactly my type of thing. Alicia kept me a secret until she absolutely had to tell her family about our pregnancy. It was a reminder that Katie was different in every positive way.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I muttered into her soft hair, feeling her shoulders fall under my embrace. I was hurting her feelings, but I didn’t have the strength to face Elk Rapids and all that I’d left behind. It made me a coward, but I wasn’t disgraced.

“I wasn’t trying to pressure you, I just thought it would be nice to be surrounded by family on a holiday.” We weren’t looking at one another, and in many ways, I was relieved. In my mind’s eye, I could read her disappointment. My head shook once behind hers.

“I just can’t go back there, Katie. It’s over for me. There’s nothing left there for me.” Eyes forward, the general said.

She didn’t respond with more than a shrug. Her silence frightened me. I couldn’t see the hurt in her eyes. She didn’t understand. I couldn’t face that place. More minutes passed, and she swiped at her cheek. My heart dropped, knowing I might have made her cry, but I couldn’t look. Her tears would undo me, so I held her closer and drew a deep breath, absorbing the scent of her. The shape of her against me. The beat of her heart under my arm. I wished I could be her hero. But I couldn’t.

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