Page 20 of Return to the Island

13

Juliet

Dinner was unbearable. My thighs were still damp from the aftereffects of his touch and the fact I couldn’t stop thinking of him. My core clenched and flexed with need. I wanted him to touch me again, and I almost excused myself from the dinner to go handle things myself. Yet each time I looked up, he was engaged in conversation with the blonde. Abby was her name, and I cursed at myself for being turned on just by being in the same room as him. Then he sat next to her at dinner. He didn’t ignore me, per se, but he spoke to everyone, almost forcing the conversation to be equal among the guests. I didn’t understand what was happening. Miller was better at this type of social chatter.

I excused myself as soon as it seemed acceptable. When Miller asked to walk me to my room, I accepted without another wasted glance at Tack. I’d lost my mind in my room, letting him put his mouth on me as he had. It had been so long since I’d felt the fingers of a man. Felt his fingers. I wasn’t in my right headspace. I have the power, I’d chanted to myself, but I gave it all to him when he tugged the towel off of me.

A strange flash of remembering my interest in the dominant/submissive culture, in particular, and the relationship portion of their treaty. It’s what got me in trouble at The Front Door club in the first place. I didn’t understand how women separated their emotions from their lover. I couldn’t keep my emotions from Tack. I recognized once before that he owned me because I cared for him, and I thought of that fucking little prince, as he called it. I had to let my memories go.

“Are you okay?” Miller asked, walking beside me with his hands in his pockets. His bright yellow shirt buttoned to the neck as he wore another bow tie despite the heat. We walked at a leisurely pace across the open expanse between the restaurant and the actual hotel rooms.

“Just a lot on my mind,” I said, looking up at the dark sky. The night was cloudless; the stars filling the black canvas. Low lights on the ground did not interfere with the full display overhead. “It’s so beautiful.”

“It’s almost like a fairy tale,” Miller said. “I can see how one might get swept up in a fantasy here.”

“I’m such a fool,” I said to the evening air. Miller stopped walking and turned to block my path.

“You aren’t a fool, Juliet. You’re lonely, and the man you’ve longed for is standing in a room drooling over you so badly he needs a bib.” I laughed at the thought. It wasn’t a good image. “But I’m worried you’re mixing memory with present day. It’s been a long time and things have changed. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I don’t want to get hurt either,” I said, expressing my own fear. I didn’t know who Abby was to Tack. I didn’t want to get in the way, or receive mixed signals, or take what wasn’t mine. Tack certainly wasn’t offering any promises or making any proposals or even talking beyond today. That’s how we had been before. We lived day by day, but Miller was correct. This is now.

“I’ll ask it again. Do we need the money this badly?”

Miller sighed. “You know, when we left I thought, yes, yes we do. But Etty, you’re my best friend. One of my only friends, because Lord knows you can’t count my one-night-stands as friends. I love you, so nothing is more valuable to me than your heart, not even a million dollars. I don’t want to see you lose it again, because I’ve seen how long it took you to get where you are with both your headspace and your emotions.” I chewed on my lip as I listened.

“I love you, too. You’re all I have. You know that. We can go home and find another way,” I said, stepping toward him.

Miller shook his head. “It’d be a shame to leave early, though,” he hinted, raising an eyebrow, and I had to laugh.

“I’ll be careful,” I said, and I mentally promised on the spot I would not lose my head again.

And I didn’t, until later that night when Tack stood at the foot of my bed again. He was quiet, and I waited, sitting up to face him this time. He undressed in the dark, removing everything but his boxer briefs. He climbed up next to me and forced me to curl against him like we used to lay. I clutched his arm to my chest, as a strange vibe rolled off of him.

“It’s so dark without you,” he said and my heart skipped a beat at the words he once said to me. “You’re too far away at night.” I couldn’t help myself, I kissed his knuckles.

“Don’t leave me yet,” he whispered into my hair. “I’ll give you the money, no strings attached.”

I spun to face him, my brow pinching.

“Why would you say that?” I demanded. His eyes lowered.

“Too much talk. Too many thoughts. First Abby and then I heard you and Miller.”

I pressed back from him and he glanced at me.

“Who is Abby to you?”

“A friend, nothing more. A family friend. There is no interest other than that.” He reached for my jaw and cupped it like he does, but he didn’t tug me to him. “And Miller sounds like a good friend to you. He’s concerned about you, but I don’t want you to worry about money. I understand why you took the money for the dissertation. It’s okay.”

I pressed upward and turned to look at him over my shoulder.

“What do you mean you understand? And I didn’t take any money. It wasn’t a contest. I didn’t even know there was money. I had nothing when I returned. Nothing, Tack. And that money went to start an organization, one I think is doing good for others.”

“It is doing good, Mouse. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just meant I don’t want you to leave. I want to take care of you.”

“Because you feel responsible,” I bit.

He opened his mouth and then closed it. He tried again. “Because I don’t want you to feel Miller is all you have.” I gasped in response. He’d heard everything, and I was prepared to insult his eavesdropping skills when he added, “I want you to have me, too.”