Page 40 of Return to the Island

Don’t leave me, he’d said a million times. Now, he was telling me to go.

Him refusing to look at me made my chest clench. I spun for the door and just as I reached it, I imagined I heard a soft cry.

“Mouse.” A single word, whispered as if he didn’t mean what he said. Silence followed, and I walked forward, assuming I misheard. I was used to my imagination playing tricks on me.

+ +

I found Miller stylishly dressed in a sport coat, green shorts and a straw fedora, with his bag packed as he stood by my door.

“I’m getting off this godforsaken island,” I muttered as I shoved the door open too quickly, and it slammed on the opposite wall.

“What happened? A little cat gave you too much tongue and now you’re scampering away?” Miller stood behind me as I stalked around my room, collecting the minimal things I’d brought.

“Hilarious,” I mumbled, pushing past him for the closet. I threw my suitcase on the bed and started haphazardly filling it.

“Honestly,” Miller exhaled. “What happened?”

I briefly explained what Abby told me, and my confrontation with Tack.

“First of all, think about this. Why would he want our little slice of charity when his whole company is one big one?” In many ways, Miller was correct. Tack had no need of our company. The very philosophy of his company—finding resources to help others less fortunate—spoke of his charitability. He didn’t even need my ideas, he could simply create his own. My jewelry sales were no small potatoes, but he could educate five times the women we reached.

“Second, I’d never believe he was engaged to Barbie Abby. She’s too into herself, and he wants someone into him.” I stared at my best friend.

“He told me to leave.”

“And…” Miller was on a roll so there was no stopping him. “Do you really believe he wants to control you like that, all BDSM and shit? Collars and licking shoes and stuff? Or is it more about having your emotions? He wants you to feel something for him, which she does not.”

I paused, blinking up at my best friend.

“He’s a powerful man. He can buy whatever he wants.”

“Maybe what he wants is someone to genuinely like him, not that moneygrubbing Barbie drooling after him, or a group of loser friends daring each other to take women.”

I was holding the shampoo bottle from the hotel, but I didn’t realize I’d been unscrewing and rescrewing the cap as a nervous tick. I squeezed the container at his words, and tropical-fragranced hair cleaner spurted out, covering the front of my shirt.

“Shit.” I ran back to the bathroom, removed my shirt and dumped it on the floor.

Forget it, I thought. I don’t need that one. I slipped on another tee, zipped my bag and followed Miller to the elevator, but something nagged at me. Was Miller correct about Tack? Did he want someone to love him for him? I’d learned he didn’t like to be alone, but could that loneliness match mine? Could his loneliness be a lack of confidence? I wanted someone to care about me. Didn’t he see that I did feel that way about him?

“This hurricane business is a bit frightening,” Miller said as we entered the elevator. “It’s freaking scary, actually, but so are lots of things in life.”

I didn’t understand what he was getting at and didn’t have time for Miller-philosophy. We needed to get back to the mainland. A hurricane was scary business. I’d been through one before. The thought gave me pause. My lip twitched with the need to smile at the memory.

Miller placed a hand on my forearm.

“Etty, tell me what happened with him before today. Where were you yesterday?” His perfect eyebrow rose, and in the taxi to the airport, I explained how I’d given Tack the book, and it led to spending the night on the island again.

“It was more than I imagined,” I said. I snorted softly with the thought, letting my head fall back on the backseat. Everything about Tack and I was more than I imagined. It was a fantasy of sexual freedom, emotional control, and friendship. And love. I loved him. I hadn’t told Miller my fears, that I would lose Tack when we left the island. I hadn’t shared that I begged Tack to possess me on the bed in my resort room, wanting him to prove we could be more than the island.

“Isn’t that what love should be? More than we thought. More than we expected,” Miller wisely stated. We’d reached the airport and stood waiting for clearance for the tarmac. I turned to face Miller.

“But look at how this all began. I mean, he almost…” I let the word float away, swallowing the pain of the past. “How can that be the start to a relationship?”

“It wasn’t a start,” Miller stated, nodding to agree. “But look at the finish line, Etty. Look where the race has led.”

“It’s led to me leaving,” I blurted, shaking the bag in my fist for emphasis.

“It led to him loving you, like he should. You’ve made the choice to leave.”

“I...” I didn’t know how to respond. Had I misunderstood? I’d walked away once before, because I feared exposing Tack to Lillian would mean I’d lose him. Standing at the airport, it was only me who would lose out if I walked away. He’d been waiting for me all this time to find him. Suddenly, it occurred to me, in my fear that he’d eventually reject me, I rejected him.

“The island sees,” I muttered, wiping a hand over my forehead. “I wasn’t looking.”

“What?” Miller asked, looking at his phone.

“I didn’t pay enough attention. He said…he said…” I paused. “He said he wanted to be all I had. He didn’t want the business but wanted to give me the money to make it all I wanted.” I looked up at Miller. “He was doing to it for me.” I swallowed as I looked out at the plane, and the line of people slowly walking toward it.

“You said he felt responsible for you.”

“He does. But he also says he loves me.”

“He said that, huh?” Miller smirked, tweaking his eyebrow, smiling slowly at me as if he knew a secret. “What’s that thing about three blind mice? Oh right, see how they run.” He wiggled his fingers in the motion of walking away. “Maybe one mouse should wise up, tuck her tail between her legs, and hold her head higher? Trust in what was before her.” He tipped his chin, narrowing his eyes at me. “You have all the power, Etty. You can make whatever choice you please. The only person you need to justify it to is yourself.”

My heart raced with the thought. “Oh my God, Miller. What have I done?”