Page 26 of After Care

“I guess I should…” I faltered, knowing I wasn’t about to clean myself in front of him. I started scooting for the edge of the bed.

“I don’t want to leave this bed,” he said. “Not yet.” His tone matched the one he used the night before, the same one where he told me he wanted to hold on, just a little bit.

He reached for his phone and ordered room service again. He’d slipped on his boxer briefs sometime when he went to dispose of the condom. Reaching for my dress on the pillows, he handed it to me.

“Would you be more comfortable if you put this back on?”

I nodded and took the nightshirt from him, excusing myself from the bed for a moment, and awkwardly covering myself as I briskly walked to the bathroom. Once inside, I collapsed against the door only briefly before realizing I was a mess. Using a washcloth, I cleaned myself, said a silent apology before I used his toothbrush, and dressed. My underwear was still missing.

I returned to the room and found him in the same position as I’d left him: one arm behind his head, partially propped up on the pillows, legs sprawled across the bed. He stared out the open balcony door at the dulling storm. Turning to me, he held out a hand, and I took it. His hands were thick, the tips of his fingers rough. Mine looked so small inside his, veiny and sprinkled with freckles. Beauty marks, my mother called them.

He sat forward, wrapped an arm around my waist and tugged me over him to bounce on the bed beside him.

“You have that look again,” he said, staring down at me where he towered on an elbow over me. “No running. Breakfast is coming.”

He returned to his resting position, and I sat up.

“We should talk,” he said next, and I stiffened. Here it comes, I thought, not even knowing what he could say. This was nice. Let’s exchange numbers. I never want to see you again.

My chest clenched with each scenario.

“Tell me about your ex-husband.”

The command took my breath. “What?” I choked.

“You said he was an alcoholic. Tell me about that.”

“Why?”

“You’re doing it again,” he chuckled, looking at me, but my question was an honest one.

“Really, why do you want to know?”

“I find I still don’t have you figured out. You keep surprising me, and I want to know about this.”

“I thought you said no other people in the bed,” I teased, trying to make light of discussing David and wishing to avoid all messy conversations anyway.

“That was before. When I’m about to enter you, make us one, there’s only room for us two.”

My breath hitched again. There was something sweet in that statement.

“But now I want the deets on the ex.”

This was too strange, I thought, as I shook my head and answered. “He was an alcoholic. End of story.”

“Not enough,” Tommy said, letting his arm fall from behind his head. He clasped his hands on his lower abs, and I forced my eyes not to linger on the covered package, knowing how large it could get.

“I was married for twenty years. We were young when I got pregnant. We got married. It was the right thing to do, so we did.” I shrugged as my mother’s words echoed in my head. Twenty-one and a recent college graduate. Pregnant and married wasn’t the life plan.

“He graduated college a year before me and had a high-pressure job in an accounting firm. He worked long hours. He travelled. We seemed to circle one another instead of blending like married couples. We had been people who partied, but not partiers, if that makes sense. I guess life just got to him.”

“You making excuses for him, beautiful?”

“No,” I scoffed. “David had choices. He just chose himself, as he always did.” He’d been a selfish man all our marriage. Even the times he tried not to drink, the selfishness was still part of his personality.

“You stayed with him,” he stated. This was always where things got sticky.

“I did. I thought it was me. I thought it was the kids. He sometimes told me it was me. He mentioned a few times he didn’t want to be a father. We did therapy. We tried vacations. But the bottom line was David had a problem that he didn’t see as a problem. He lied to me and he lied to himself. I couldn’t take it any longer.”