Page 38 of After Care

“Normal?” I huffed. “You’re a rock star,” I repeated. “One that girls threw their bras at and showed you their tits. One where girls cried when you sang or fainted when you smiled at them.”

He closed his eyes, sighing deeply, the exhale sad. A million sorrows filled that sigh and my heart pinched. I understood his need to be seen for him—a man. It reminded me of me. I didn’t want to be viewed as a divorcée, or a mother of two, or a breast cancer survivor. I just wanted to be recognized as an independent woman—one who wanted to be loved and was willing to give love in return. If I forgot about what I didn’t know regarding Tommy Carrigan, I found what I did know, I liked.

I stood, straddled over his knees, and rested on his thighs. My hands cupped his cheeks, and I stared into his ink-colored eyes.

“You’re a rock star,” I said softly, the words seeped into me. He was a rock star, and I could see that meant a world filled with pain and hard losses, loneliness and empty promises. He’d done so much for others and I didn’t know the half of his reasons.

“So, what now?” he harshly scoffed. “You want to fuck the Lawson Colt?” His voice sounded shattered as his arm swept toward his body. He scooted forward so I slid to his lap, his head tipping back like he was used to this treatment. Visions of women riding him, enthralled by his status instead of the man, made me sick.

I reached for his face once again, leaning forward until our noses nearly met. His eyes watched me, skeptical of what I’d do next. My heart raced, wondering where the boldness in me came from.

“I don’t want to fuck Lawson Colt,” I hissed softly. “I want to make love to Tommy Carrigan.”

With that, he leaned forward, and I fell against him. My mouth crushed his as I straddled him, pressing the full force of my core over the length of his stiff zipper. My hands dove into his hair and held his lips to mine, slowing the kiss enough to be tender, taking my time to savor each dip and curve of his mouth. My tongue reached out for his, and the kiss returned to burning flames. He sat forward, and I pushed downward, groaning at the position, the connection, the heat of him under me.

Still feeling emboldened, I pressed his shoulders back to the chaise and broke the kiss to remove his T-shirt. My hands skated over the subtle ridges of his chest and around his sides, focusing on the small tattoo under his heart. Kit Kat, it said, with a breast cancer ribbon, a small token of his love for his sister. I bent forward, keeping my eyes on his, lowering to kiss him there. His heart beat rapidly as I continued to scatter kisses across his firm pecs, scraping my teeth over his nipples. He hissed in response, muttering his favorite swear word.

My hands continued their exploration, rubbing upward through the short vee of chest hair and rounding his shoulders. While we’d been together, I hadn’t taken the time to really admire him in this way. My palms caressed down each arm at an equal pace until I got to his wrist. I wiggled over the thick length of him before reaching for his belt. Other than grunts and groans and the occasional fuck, he wasn’t speaking. What I hoped was that he was feeling, experiencing, that I cared about him: the person, the man, Tommy Carrigan. While the rest of his life was intriguing, all I knew so far was what he told me, and I liked it. I liked him, probably more than I should.

Don’t fall in love with him, I warned myself, as I unbuckled his belt and sat back to undo his zipper. Awkward hands reached for his waist and he joined me to remove his boxers and jeans enough to free him. I sat back further, slipping to kneel between his legs, my eyes focused on the length in my palm.

“Darlin’,” he hissed, both begging and warning me. I wasn’t good at this, but I wanted to try. I wanted a taste. My lips kissed the wet tip, then my tongue joined for a swirl. I opened wide and swallowed just the head, sucking hard before opening to press a kiss to the moist skin. His hand started petting my hair. I opened again and forced him as far as I could. My gag reflex was strong but I hoped I could make up for it at first by licking along the cut ridges and stroking up the vein. Repeating the motion several times, his thighs quaked under my palms.

“Darlin’, I want this, but I think I want inside of you more.” His hands came under my arms, and he tugged me forward forcing me to release him with a soft pop. As I sat upright, he reached out for my underwear, slowly dragging it down my hips under my skirt.

“Should we really do this here?” I whispered, suddenly conscious that we sat on the dark beach. Anyone could see us if they wandered close enough. Then again, we hadn’t seen anyone near our secluded position by the break wall. He reached out a finger, swiping through folds ripe and ready for him, and I whimpered with need.

“Put this on me,” he said, holding out a condom he withdrew from his pocket.

“I…” I hadn’t done that in nearly twenty years. In fact, I worried I wouldn’t do it right. Seeing my trepidation, he decided to give me a pass. He bit the foil and tore the package. I watched him roll the condom downward and hold himself upright.

“That…” I couldn’t say the words, as they caught in my throat. That was freaking hot. He patted his thigh, and I stood to wiggle out of my underwear. Then I returned to straddle him, hitching up my skirt, and, positioning myself at his tip. I gripped his shoulders, pausing as he rested just under my entrance.

“Don’t ever lie to me again,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him, and then I slid myself over his hard shaft. We let out a groan in unison, and his mouth reached for mine as I stilled, acclimating to the thick length filling me. This position was different, deeper, and that special spot on me rested against him. I moved slightly and released his mouth as instant pleasure rippled through me. My nails slipped from his neck and dug into his shoulders.

“Like that, darlin’,” he chuckled. “Do it again.” I did, slowly losing myself as I rolled my hips over him, holding him deep inside me, and rubbing that spot against him.

“I…” I couldn’t speak, and my hands slipped to his hips, where I tugged at his skin, trying to get him deeper inside me. I wanted him to crawl under my skin and stay there, never letting this feeling end. I rocked, groaning, and he let me take what I wanted from him. “I’m coming,” I warned, as if he didn’t know from the clenching and rutting I did against his body. My hands released him, and I circled my breasts, reaching up to my neck, and slipping my hands over the back of my head. My whole body tingled as I came, falling forward when I couldn’t take it any longer.

With that, he wrapped an arm around my waist and began pistoning me over him, moving me up and down, giving him friction that stood him at attention within me. He was so hard, so very hard.

“Touch yourself, darlin’. Get there again.”

“I can’t,” I whimpered as he jostled me. “I don’t...I mean…” He’d taken not only my breath but my words. He slowed enough to grip one of my hands with his free one and drag it to my core. He held my fingers there until I pressed against myself, lightly tickling until the tension built. I gasped at the sensation, and he increased the thrusting. Together, we climbed.

“Get there, darlin’. I’m too close.” He looked down at where I touched myself, and I followed his lead. Despite the dark night, I could see the outline of our joining. “That is fucking hot,” he said, and I giggled, losing a bit of my concentration, but the laughter clenched at him. He stilled, and the pulsing inside me set me off. I stroked myself as he spilled forth with tender thrusts. I came again, though not as strong as the first time.

My forehead fell to the top of his head, and we remained like this a moment.

“You are a wonder,” he whispered, and I pulled back.

“I’ve never…” My voice faded, and the corner of his mouth crooked. “I don’t touch myself,” I said, looking away, tickling my fingers over his abs. “I’ve never done that before.”

“I’m sensing there are a few things that you’ve never done before, and I’m happy to be the first, though I’m sorry it took you so long to discover those things.” He smiled broadly, and I smacked at his chest.

“It’s embarrassing to admit you’re the first to give me a double orgasm.”

His brows rose. “What the…well, we need to go for three.” An aftershock of him pulsing paused us both.