Page 63 of After Care

“Gage doesn’t know yet. He’s not going to be happy.”

“Why not?” I asked, my voice rising in surprise.

“The tour is coming. He’s already upset that I said I wouldn’t join him. Ava starts first grade, and I want her to be home, going to a regular school, on a schedule.”

“I see. And he doesn’t like that idea?”

“He doesn’t mind. He sees where I’m coming from, wanting to give the girls a stable life after mine wasn’t, but he still thought I could take her out of school here and there and join him on the road.”

“Ah,” I sighed. Gage had this unnerving need to have Ivy always with him, and while I understood young love, and all that, it was bordering on possessive. He was smothering her.

“I don’t know how to tell him.”

“You aren’t going to do anything rash.” Panic rushed through my voice.

“No, of course not. I want this, it’s just…”

“It’s just what, honey?”

“I thought with Ava going to school, I was one step closer to a little freedom. I was hoping to get a job.” I blinked. Ivy didn’t need a job. Her husband made more than ten heads of household, but before I even questioned her comment, I understood. Ivy suffered that suffocation from Gage.

“What were you going to do?”

“I’ve kept my musical therapist license renewed. I always thought I’d do something along those lines. Work not-for-profit or volunteer. Nothing major. Nothing rigid. Just something more than purple dinosaurs and singing backpacks.”

I laughed knowing exactly how she felt. Ivy had gone from college to marriage, with a baby barely in between those two events. The same thing happened to me.

“Ivy, you can still do this. Hire a babysitter. You need to get out. It will be better for you and the baby, especially if you feel trapped.”

“I don’t feel trapped,” she replied, her voice stronger than normal.

“Okay, trapped might be the wrong word, it’s just—”

“I’m sorry, Edie. I didn’t mean that.” Family always says sorry. “I’m just so worked up about this.”

“I think you should tell Gage everything. Tell him about the baby. Tell him about wanting a job, that you need something for you. You’ll work it out.” I tried to be reassuring. I remembered being her age, being overwhelmed and so young.

“I’m losing myself, Edie,” she whispered, and my heart broke.

“Don’t let that happen. Don’t.” I wanted to reach through the phone and shake her, and then hug her because she needed that hug, and so did I.

+ + +

My boss asked me to join him for drinks at the end of the week. He’d never offered before, and I never would have dreamed of accepting, but I needed that drink. It had been a rough few days. Tommy and I still spoke each night, but it felt different. Time was rearing its evil head. Distance was not making the heart grow fonder.

“I really appreciate your invitation,” I said, looking around me, wondering where the other office staff was. Max said it would be casual—a few people from the office just hanging out at the end of a winter work week.

“I feel like we don’t know each other as well as I’d like,” he said, taking a sip of his double whiskey on the rocks. “I mean, I know about David, and…” His voice trailed off, avoiding the word cancer. “But I don’t know the other things. What do you do for fun? What music do you like?”

I took a large swallow of my wine, gulping more than sipping, as the question caught my breath. It was something Tommy might ask.

“I’m not really good with music. I find I love it, but lack the knowledge to know who sings what.” I laughed off my own deficiency, guilt seeping into the conversation for some reason.

“There’s a concert in a few weeks. Ever hear of The Nights?” I had, and I loved their music. “I have two tickets. Would you like to go?”

I took a deep breath. Should I do this? Tommy and I never discussed being exclusive, but I’d expect the same of him. I wouldn’t want him to take someone to a concert, but he probably did. Not to mention, Max was my boss. My very handsome boss, who I noticed more and more was looking at me in a way that was more than just appreciating my organizational skills.

“You can think about it if you’d like? It’s in two weeks.”