Page 81 of After Care

“I know, but what I mean is…aren’t you lonely without me?” My voice broke on the question, fear filling me that he wasn’t lonely because he filled the absence with others. A traitorous tear dripped off my nose.

“Edie.” He exhaled. “I think maybe I’m used to being alone. I can’t say I like it, but I can handle it because I’ve been alone for so long. I’m not attached.” At the words, I pulled back my hands.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said, reaching out for me, catching my fingers before I sat back. “I mean, I wasn’t attached to anyone, so I would come and go without concentrating on the loneliness. My life centered around the band. But having you in my life has changed all that. I’m shifting, darlin’. I miss you like a piece of me is missing each time we say good-bye or hang up the phone or go too many hours without speaking. It’s a strange feeling, Edie, but one I don’t want to give up, even if it’s all I get.”

Another tear fell, uninhibited this time.

“I wish we were closer, darlin’, I do, but for now, it has to be as it is.” I nodded. He was right. I knew he was right, but it didn’t make it any easier to accept. He’d joked about me moving to California. The sunshine. The mild temperature. Him. But I never took the teasing as a bona fide offer. “I wish you’d told me how you felt. You don’t have to hold back with me.”

I snorted unattractively.

“What is that?” Tommy demanded.

“Tommy, why are you even with me? You could have anyone. Someone more like Deanna Kaye.”

He released my hands and sat back, staring at me a moment.

“Darlin’, do you think I didn’t notice how your ex sized me up? I don’t give two shits about him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t read his thoughts. He doesn’t think I’m good enough for you. Do you know how that makes me feel? How I know he’s right in a million ways? My world is upside-down and backward most days, with shit I’d never want your innocent heart to see or bear. I question why you’re with me just as much. The only thing I’m confident of is it’s not because I’m a former rock star or affiliated with Collision. You’ve already proved that to me with your atrocious musical knowledge.” His eyes sparkled, and his face relaxed. “So, what do I have to do to prove to you that I want only you? That I’m sitting in Arizona, fighting with you over your worth, because you are worth everything to me, huh?”

More tears fell and I swiped at my cheeks. I didn’t know how to respond. It wasn’t like I had a checklist. I just had trouble accepting what we were doing, but I realized I was wasting precious time when we were together by having this conversation. I reached for his hand and tugged him toward me. He leaned forward, his eyes aiming for my lips, but as he got close, I stood.

“Darlin’?”

I gently yanked at his hand and stepped forward, guiding him to follow me. A few more steps, and I was suddenly scooped up into his arms. Kicking my legs and laughing as my arms wrapped around his neck, we were almost to his room when the main door of the suite opened.

“Get a room,” West teased, Masie bumping into his back.

“I have one,” Tommy hollered, but something in my face must have told him I couldn’t do this with Masie in the room. I couldn’t let him take me to his room with my daughter watching us.

“Put me down, please,” I whispered. He stopped and set me on my feet.

“Maybe you’re embarrassed of me after all, darlin’,” he muttered as he spun away from me and returned to the table. Sitting down, he dug into a cold dinner while I’d completely lost my appetite.

+ + +

West and Masie left shortly after their return as West said he knew somewhere he could take Masie that didn’t require her to be carded. As soon as they left I was on Tommy, literally. The door closed and I crossed the suite to straddle him, gripping his face, nails dragging through his salt-and-pepper scruff.

“Don’t ever say that again,” I growled, trying to tease down my serious tone. “I am not embarrassed by you, and I don’t know why you would even say that. But I need you to respect that I’m not a groupie, and I’m not like the boys in the band. I can’t run off in front of a group, knowing that they know I’m about to have sex with you. And I especially can’t do it in front of my daughter.”

His hands curled around my wrists, and he tugged out of my grip.

“I’m sorry, darlin’. I shouldn’t have said that. I was…frustrated.” His mouth came to mine too briefly, and as he pulled back, I cupped his cheeks again.

“Well, time to un-frustrate.” My mouth came to his and demanded he open for me, swiping across the seam of his lips and begging his tongue to play with mine. He kissed me back, opening for me as he gripped my hips and pulled me fully onto his lap. His hunger built and mine matched. I was starving for him.

Standing, I held out my hand, leading him once again toward the bedroom. Within seconds, he was before me, tugging me along and slamming the door, flipping the lock.

“I’m not taking chances this time.” My shirt was over my head by his hands, and my fingers worked his belt buckle and zipper. We crossed the room disrobing one another until my knees hit the bed, and he pushed me backward. I scooted up the mattress, and he followed like a predator after prey. When my head hit the pillows, I stopped, and he lowered over me. His mouth found mine as he positioned himself at my entrance, but I pressed his shoulders, hinting that I wanted him to roll to his back. He flipped us, and my legs spread, straddling over him. I sat back and held him upright, stroking him.

“Darlin’, if you don’t get me inside you, I’m gonna explode all over your hand.” Giggling, I pressed up on my knees, balanced on his tip, and then slammed down to envelop him. We groaned in unison as my hands came to his abs. Slowly, I rolled over him, developing a rhythm that held him deep within me. His hand slipped between us and his thumb caught me, pressing in a circular motion. Something came over me, and my hips rocked faster, my channel clenched harder, and my eyes closed with the sensation of losing control. Tension rolled off of me, and a new tension built. His name became a litany of hyperventilating puffs of air mixed with the struggle to cry his name.

My toes curled, and my thighs clamped at his hips. I held still and threw back my head. The release was sweet and spiraling, and I was still coming when he sat forward and flipped me to my back. Braced on his hands, he hammered into me, thrusting and delving, wild and reckless like we hadn’t been before. “Faster”and “harder” crossed my lips in a whisper. “Fuck, darlin’,” crossed his. The bed squeaked with the rapid motion, and the headboard banged on the wall. He stilled, and that internal pulse of his release set me off again. My hands gripped the globes of his ass, forcing him to remain inside me. Moments later, he collapsed on top of me.

“Sweet Jesus, that came from my toes,” he muttered into my neck. I giggled, as I understood the feeling. “I don’t like to fight with you, darlin’, but if that’s how we make up, I’ll fight you every day for the rest of our lives.”

“How about if we don’t fight and just make love like that the rest of our lives?” A moment passed as the words lingered, the reality of their meaning settling around us like pillow feathers floating to the bed. Tommy’s head popped up and he stared down at me.

“I’d make love to you the rest of our lives, if you’d let me,” he whispered.