Page 87 of After Care

“Like you tell me everything?” I whispered harshly. “This is hardly the world’s greatest secret.” I don’t know where the words came from, but the sharpness was because of my growing anger. I’d just been accused of things I’d never imagine doing—taking advantage of them.

Masie came into my peripheral vision. “Mom, I don’t want to interrupt, but we need to get going.” A quick glance over the stove at the clock revealed we had twenty minutes to get our things collected for the airport. I nodded at my daughter, who disappeared almost as quickly as she entered the room.

“Look, this isn’t the end of the world…” I began but Tommy raised a hand to stop me.

“Maybe it needs to be.”

Disbelief caused me to blink several times as I stared at him.

“What are you saying?” My fingers curled around the edge of the countertop, my nails digging into the hard undersurface, needing stability.

“I’m saying, I think it’s time.” His eyes closed as he spoke, shutting me out of his vision. “My family is everything to me, Edie, and keeping something from me in regards to them is a hard limit for me. It’s about trust, and you’ve broken mine.” I glared at him. After all the things he’d kept from me, continued to keep from me, he was accusing me of breaking trust. Was he seriously breaking up with me over this—his niece opening a therapy school? Or was it the possibility that I would move here? Or was it his Californian lifestyle, that mystery I wasn’t allowed to know, that I might infringe upon if I were closer? The statement was clear. There was no place for me in his world. Any fight I had drained out of me, puddling on the tile floor. With strength I didn’t feel, I spoke.

“If that’s what you want,” I whispered, pressing off the counter. He turned his head towards the beach view, refusing to look at me, and I rounded the counter to exit the room.

18

What the doctor ordered

Without a word to Ivy, Masie and I flew home. Still stunned that this was the cause to the end of my relationship with Tommy, I stared out the airplane window, hollow inside like the clouds outside. The end of my marriage hadn’t paralyzed me as much as the sudden, unexpected end with Tommy. The accusations stung. The distrust incomprehensible. All my concerns that things would eventually end had come true. Unfortunately for me, I never considered it would be over something like Ivy’s therapy school.

Understandably, I didn’t fit with Tommy Carrigan, but in many ways, he’d been good for me. He’d restored in me some things long-suppressed and awakened other things I’d never known I wanted.

He’d been just what the doctor ordered.

When I went for my six-month check-up with Dr. Crain, her words resonated with me.

“I don’t have to tell you how fortunate you are, Edie,” she had reminded me. I had survived the battle, for now, through treatments and a mastectomy, and after that appointment I had the all-clear for the foreseeable future. In many ways, I was blessed, and I didn’t take my life for granted after all I had been through. Elizabeth’s medical guidance and personal support had been unparalleled, considering I went through a divorce at the same time as my diagnosis. Because of our friendship, borne through sharing such an experience, she had the ability to speak candidly with me. “You’ve been given more time. Take advantage of it.”

The implication was clear. I’d been given a second opportunity to do what I wanted with the life I had. I was free of David, despite the loneliness of being divorced. The weight of no longer being married had taken time to lift, until I recognized the burden I bore with him and the relief I felt at no longer being attached to him. It didn’t lessen the awareness that I was alone, but I was also my own person again. Tommy Carrigan had been the baptism of my rebirth. He’d let me see what I desired and that I could be desirable to another person. I missed him. Lord, did I miss him, because he’d brought to light things I didn’t know I wanted, things I’d never been comfortable demanding. He made me feel alive, and I had to credit him with giving me the experience of a lifetime.

And finally, the tears came.

Elizabeth diagnosed it as part of that adjustment disorder I’d experienced in January. My emotions were a mess from all I’d endured over the last few years. The loss of Tommy, coupled with the future loss of Masie through her graduation and subsequent move to California, left me feeling adrift, like bark floating down a rapidly moving river. Time was speeding up, and I couldn’t get a grasp on where I wanted to go next. In addition to my other losses, I missed Ivy.

“I’m so sorry,” she pleaded once we final spoke. “I expected him to overreact, but nothing like he did.”

I nodded as if she could see me, her words a reminder of all that Gage said.

“You know I’d never take advantage of you, Ivy—”

“I never for a moment thought you were,” she interjected, cutting me off from any more explanation. “I can’t believe he said that.” She paused a beat. “If anything, I took advantage of you, wanting you to give up everything for me and move here to help me. And I’m so sorry about Tommy. He’d completely overreacted as well.” The heavy exhale after she spoke made my heart sink. Ivy carried a weighty burden.

“Tell me you’re still continuing with the school?” I asked hesitantly, hoping to deflect the conversation away from Tommy.

“Absolutely, and my offer still stands. I haven’t tried to find a manager, as I’m hoping you’ll still consider helping me, despite my uncle and his stubbornness.” She chuckled softly, but I found no humor the situation.

I actually had considered Ivy’s offer more often than I should have. I’d been working in my current position for years. I was good as a personal assistant. Organization was my middle name, but the more spontaneous my life had become because of Tommy, the more disheartened I was at the mundane routine of dressing for work, going to work, and coming home from work, all with the sole purpose of making money. I hadn’t ever had convictions like Ivy; however, my life had changed. I was learning from her, and the idea that I’d been given a second chance returned to me.

“Honey, I think because of your uncle, I should continue to decline the offer.”

“Edie,” she whined. “This is exactly what I feared. Please don’t make it about them. This is still about me. I want you here. I trust you, and that’s exactly what I told Gage and Tommy.” The comment reaffirmed that Tommy and Gage both thought I had ulterior motives and I said as much to Ivy.

“They don’t trust me. The irony is, I’m the one who would lose on this venture. I’d be giving up my home, the place where I’ve lived my whole life, a secure job, and a confident doctor.”

A short gasp filled the line. “You’re okay, right? Is something wrong?” The concern grew with each word expressed.

“I’m fine, honey. In fact, I have a clean bill for now. Medication for five years and regular check-ups. I’m all good.”