Page 36 of Restored Dreams

“It’s never okay.” Pulling out of her, I skate my fingers over her hip for the promised land but her firm hand stops me at the wrist.

“We don’t have time. Second date awaits.”

While I don’t want to leave her unsatisfied, I like the sound of that. A second date.

21

What if

[Lily]

Our second date is a twilight kayak adventure into sea caves. It wouldn’t be my first choice of explorations, but it seemed different and something Brut might enjoy. I wasn’t as strong as he was at kayaking, but I could keep up, or he held back. Either way, we stick together as we follow a guide into the ancient caves of La Jolla. It’s pretty cool, and I try not to let my claustrophobia press in. I find the older I get, the more I develop strange issues I didn’t have before—like a fear of enclosed places.

Brut is thrilled with the adventure and thanks me three times for planning the date. Of course, he refuses to let me pay again. I want to protest, and actually do, but then I finally give in. It seems more important to him whose credit card covers the fun. It’s late when the tour ends, and we grab fish tacos off a food truck near the kayak rental shop. I don’t typically eat out—keeping up the healthy eating habits as he pointed out— but I also like to cook enough I don’t need other people making food for me. Eating out appears to be a staple of Brut’s life, and I wonder if he’d stay in if someone cooked for him.

Ironically, his kitchen becomes a conversation topic when we return to the house. He reminds me of how I promised to help him renovate his home as we sit together on the couch with our feet propped up on the ottoman. I’m nursing another hard lemonade while Brut downs his beer.

“So, here’s the basic layout. What would you put in it if it was yours?” Brut sketches the outline of his kitchen, and I can see it’s narrow. He admits it’s old, dated, and underused lately.

“If it was mine,” I emphasize, “I’d have a top of the line stove. Stainless steel. You need a large farmhouse sink. Double-door refrigerator.” I pause, imagining my dream kitchen in a house, not an apartment. Besides the fact I don’t own it, my place is too small for luxury appliances. As I admitted to Brut, I don’t need more as I use the bakery for most things, but sometimes, I think it would be nice to have a home not attached to other places.

“What color is your place now?” I ask, still concentrating on the design.

“Brown.” My head rolls on the cushion to look at him, waiting for more details.

“Brown? That’s it.”

“Yep. Brown cabinets. Brown appliances. Just brown.”

“Brut”—I laugh—“that sounds awful.”

“It is.” His voice lowers as he takes a pull of his beer.

“I’m sorry. That wasn’t nice. I’m sure it’s fine.”

“Nope. It’s awful.” He sets the beer on the tray on the ottoman and turns to face me. His arm comes over the back of the couch, and his fingers play with my hair. “Tell me what color you’d make it. Tell me about your dream kitchen.”

This seems like a dangerous game, but I’ll bite.

“White cabinets. White subway tile backsplash. Maybe black countertops. Granite actually. I’d love an island like this place has. Maybe an open plan with a living space like this house as well. In fact, if I could move this house, it might be perfect.”

Brut nods. “Except there is no beach where we live.”

“Not close enough, true.” I’m on the northeast side of Los Angeles while Brut is up in Pasadena.

“What if we bought this house? As a second home?” I don’t miss the we.

“What if,” I tease, wiggling a brow even though there’s no chance I can own beachfront property. Everything I have is wrapped up in the bakery.

“And what if I gave you your dream kitchen?”

“What if,” I joke again, growing slightly uncomfortable with the possibility because the probability of it happening is zero. Yet my heart races within my chest.

“What if I asked you to move in with me?”

My shoulders stiffen as I stare at him. He can’t be serious.

“Are you…making future plans?” I pause a beat, my breath catching. “Hypothetically, if you asked me, I’d have to say…” Yes. “No.”