Page 48 of Second Chance

“It’s his grandmother’s house, and his mama’s there.” My tone warns them to show respect, but a glance exchanges between my sons.

“How is Mrs. Chance?” Maggie asks, attempting to lessen the heavy air around us.

“She’s dying,” I blurt, insensitive in my own right.

“Mom,” Jordan huffs before chuckling. He shakes his head in humor, but the weight of Jax’s eyes press on me, so I turn to him.

“Spit it out,” I snap because Jax has something to say and we might as well get this over. Without recognizing it before, I see so much of Denton in him it almost frightens me.

“I don’t approve.”

“Jaxson,” Hollilyn whispers under her breath.

“And what exactly do you disapprove of?” I hold my breath, knowing his answer before he speaks. My fingers clench and unclench as I lean on the table.

“Of him.”

“What about him?”

“Dating you.” The stab going to my gut, I sit up straighter.

“Do I need your approval?” I’ve done nothing wrong, I tell myself, as Denton has said. Give yourself permission, Billy’s voice filters in my head for support.

“No, you don’t,” Jordan interjects, aiming a glare at his brother. His hand comes out to cover mine, and he gives it a quick squeeze.

“I’m out of here,” Jax says, slamming down his empty beer mug. He’s halfway out of his seat with Hollilyn’s hand on his forearm, and her unacknowledged attempts to soothe him tick me off.

“Sit down.” I pause only a beat. “I loved your father—”

“Mom, we know this. You don’t need to say anything,” Jordan offers, ever the attorney trying to smooth ruffled feathers, but my mother hen feathers are cocked up, and I’m not letting my second twin pluck my fury. After a warning glare to his brother, I place a hand on Jordan’s wrist as Jax’s body returns to his seat.

“But he’s gone,” I continue as if Jordan hasn’t spoken. “He was a good man, a great father, and adoring husband. And he died…without me.”

Jordan hisses, and Jax lowers his head.

“And he asked me to carry on.”

Jax’s head lifts and Jordan turns to me.

“He left me a letter, spelling it all out, reminding me of promises we made to one another inside our marriage that is no one’s business, not even either of yours.” Jordan nods once, agreeing with me as he reaches for Maggie’s hand. A sorrowful look crosses Hollilyn’s eyes at the tenderness between a husband and wife. Jax does nothing to comfort her.

“If you don’t want me to smile or laugh or enjoy myself…” I swallow the lump building in my throat. “Then I respect your wishes and understand you won’t be coming around as much. Because I’m not dead, and I’m tired of feeling like I’m walking through water instead of enjoying the waves.”

Jax has the decency to look away, his eyes closing at my words.

“I respect your feelings as my son, but I’d like you to respect mine, not only as your mother but also as a woman with years of life ahead of her—” I pause a second, taking a deep breath. “—alone, if I don’t change, if I don’t open up.”

I might be treading a little too far into deep waters, exposing myself and my needs to my children, but Hollilyn’s hand finds mine on the table and gives a squeeze of sisterhood. I glance at Maggie who nods, encouraging me as a tear slips from her eye. I draw strength from my daughter-in-law and Jax’s girlfriend who should be my daughter-in-law, and it pushes me into drowning territory.

“And before you want to judge me, Jaxson, and anything looking like a relationship, I suggest you take a hard look at yourself and how you treat this girl.”

“Mom,” Jordan whisper-hisses. Hollilyn gasps and Jax stands, snarling, “I don’t need this.”

I stand as well. “I don’t either. Sit down and enjoy your dinner. I’m going home. Alone.”

Grabbing my purse, I step around my children and head for the door.