Page 41 of Collide

I sigh as I keep my hand against the doorknob.

“You can’t do this to yourself,” Tommy warns, his eyes focus on my face but imply what he thinks I’ve done.

“I’m not sleeping with him,” I explain, which should be embarrassing to admit to my father figure, but Tommy’s right. Lies won’t protect either of us.

“Baby girl.” He sighs, holding both hands on the doorjamb as if holding himself back from entering the room. The door moves, and I release the handle.

“I’m going to marry her before I sleep with her.”

“You want to marry her?” Tommy asks aghast.

“I do,” Gage says, and I hold my breath.

“Is this what you want?” Tommy turns on me.

“I…” My mouth falls open, but I can’t respond. Do I want to marry Gage Everly? Is this the life I want to lead? I can’t be my mother. I can’t be second best to the music again. When I don’t answer, Tommy pushes off the doorframe.

“That’s what I thought.” He turns down the hall, leaving me to feel ashamed of myself. Ashamed of what I’m doing with Gage, knowing what my future is. When I close the door behind him, I can’t look at Gage.

“Hey,” he softly says to me, brushing my hair behind my ear. “It’s okay.” His voice remains low as tears fill my eyes. He stands to my side, but I don’t look up. I’m wearing his T-shirt with his seed on my back, and I hate myself. He curls my hair around my ear again. “Ivy?”

“I’m so sorry,” I say, turning to him but keeping my eyes lowered. He tips my chin up, and I close my eyes.

“Don’t hide from me, Ivy. I know you’re scared. I’m scared, too, of what I feel. But don’t judge yourself. We’re doing nothing wrong, and I meant what I said. I want to marry you when you’re ready.”

“You don’t love me, Gage,” I blurt.

“Is that what you want? You want me to say the words to convince you?”

“No,” I snap. I don’t want him to tell me he loves me while we argue.

“We’ll get there, gorgeous.” He bends at the knees to lower his body and look up at me. Cupping my face, he forces my eyes to his. “You and I, we’ll get there together.”

I don’t know exactly what he means, but it sounds good. Him and me. Together. I nod, and he pulls me into me.

“Time for bed, babe.” I lift my head and look at him, but he’s pulling back from me and tugging back the covers to my bed.

“Let me clean up,” I say, needing a minute.

19

GAGE

I’m pissed.

She’s gone.

Just like the time we were together before, she has run, and this time, I haven’t lost her down a hallway but across an ocean.

I storm from her room knowing she isn’t just missing from the bed.

“Where’d she go?” I snap at Tommy who stands in the kitchen before the coffeemaker.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The hell you don’t. What else did you say to her, this morning maybe?”

Tommy turns his bulking body to face me and crosses his arms. “I haven’t seen Ivy this morning.”