Page 47 of Collide

“I don’t want to fight about him,” I state, knowing I don’t have the energy for it with my uncle. But being as he’s all too familiar with me, something in my voice catches his attention, and he reaches for my hand.

“What happened?”

Without warning, I burst into tears. “We had a fight.”

“I knew it,” he mutters, squeezing my hand, but I shake my head.

“It’s all my fault.” This shifts his displeasure to a questioning look. “I don’t know what I want. I mean, I want him, but I don’t want to ruin his life. I don’t want to saddle him with a wife and a child that isn’t his when he’s so attractive and should be out enjoying the wild life. He could be having sex with pretty actresses. And he’s desperate for success, right on the cusp of it, and I know he’ll go far. He’s so talented and so dedicated to his work, but I’ll be in the way, and—”

“Fuck.” I abruptly stop when Tommy swears. He releases my hand and stands from the couch. Taking a few paces, he stands before the floor-to-ceiling window where the sunshine streams in. Two hands come over his head as he stares out the glass. I don’t know what I said, and with my large belly, I struggle to push myself off the couch.

“Tommy?” I finally stand behind him, wondering what he’s thinking.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

“I…” He spins to face me as my voice falters.

“You don’t have to answer. It’s in your face. You light up when you talk about him even with all your concerns.”

“What if he’s making a terrible mistake by being with me?”

“What if you’re making a terrible mistake by being with him?” he retorts, huffing in exasperation.

“And being with a man who’s good to me and willing to make this baby his would be a mistake, right?”

Tommy stares at me, crossing his arms before he speaks. “Is he good to you? How? Parading you around like he’s the baby daddy? Social media is eating this shit up, but it’s going to come out the other end when you don’t end up together.”

“Because we couldn’t possibly have a happily ever after, right?” I ask, looking for some direction because the more time I spend with Gage, the less argument I have against us even though we fought about it before I returned home.

“How should I know about happiness? I’ve never committed to anyone in my life, and Lord knows he seems to be committed to you. Moving to Seattle. Taking the band up there. Attending doctor visits.”

“That’s all bad, right?” I ask again although the list doesn’t sound awful.

“Look, he asked me to be his manager in Hawaii, and I refused. Then I told him I would do it if he gave you up—”

“He told me about that,” I interrupt, expressing my irritation with the ultimatum.

“And it still didn’t stop him from asking me for your hand in Hawaii.”

I don’t even blink. I just stare wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Then I swallow. “And what did you say?”

Tommy sighs, swiping a hand through his hair. “I told him I’d never deny you happiness if he makes you happy.”

My shoulders fall, and my stomach drops. The baby kicks inside, and tears fill my eyes again.

“He does make me happy, but I’m scared. For him. For me. For us.” I rub my belly to emphasize my point.

“Do you love him, baby girl?” Tommy asks, staring at me with wonder in his eyes.

“I think I do. I think I really do. I’m all tingly inside when I think of him, and it’s not just the baby. I want to be near him all the time, and the way he touches me—”

Tommy holds up a hand to stop me, so I change course.

“The way he cares for me. About me. At first, I thought it might just be the baby. He checks my diet and rest and goes to the doctor with me, but then he asks about my day and my classes. He asks about specific kids at the school, and I know he’s listening to me. Really listening. He doesn’t care who Mom was or who you are. It’s me.” I point at my chest, feeling overwhelmed that I haven’t recognized all he’s done to show me he wants me.

Do you think I’m in this just for sex? Using marriage as an excuse?

My fingers cover my lips as reality hits me. He wants me.