Page 66 of Silver Brewer

“I told her all the facts about Clara. I omitted the part about children.”

Billy whistles. “Why?”

“I didn’t want to share her.” It’s the sappiest, most honest thing I’ve ever told anyone.

“What does that mean?” Billy chuckles.

“I knew the girls might love her, get attached, and I just didn’t want to share.” I pause, swiping a hand down my beard. “She wants things, and I didn’t know if I could go down that path again.” Marriage and children. Love and happily ever after. Then again, it’s all I’ve thought of since she left. I can see myself married to her. I see my daughters accepting her. I see us together. “But I don’t want to lose her.”

“Seems like the answer is obvious,” Billy retorts, reaching for the whiskey behind the bar and refilling my glass.

“What’s that?”

“Give her what she wants. Then you’ll get what you want. It’s win-win.”

“Who’s winning what?” my sister asks as she comes to stand next to me. It’s rare to see her at the bar on a weekday evening. Her girls’ volleyball team is headed to the state finals.

“Giant wants Letty. Letty wants Giant. It’s win-win.”

“She doesn’t want me.”

“What did you do?” Mati asks. How is it always the man’s fault, yet I know I’m to blame in this round with Letty.

“I omitted.”

“Is that like lying but calling it another name?” Mati’s eyes meet mine, and her brow arches.

“I didn’t lie.” I meekly smile. “I withheld the truth.” It wasn’t like I denied my daughters existed. I just didn’t mention them. The justification sounds bad, even in my head.

“And the difference is…?”

I shake my head as my youngest sibling speaks like our mother. Mati pulls up a stool next to me.

“Although I guess I shouldn’t talk,” she states, lowering her voice. Billy pulls out another shot glass and fills it with more whiskey.

“What do you mean?” Billy asks.

“I’ve got to tell Denton something, but let’s keep to Giant. This is important. You love the woman, right?”

“How do you know that?” I question, and Mati rolls her eyes.

“Giant, when you take a woman up to Pap’s or bring her to your home, and you’ve never done those things before, it’s got to be more than a shag.”

“Shag?” Billy smirks, disgust on his face. “Is this England? He’s bonking her.”

Mati rolls her eyes again. “He’s not bonking her. He’s in love with her.”

What the hell is bonking?

“You just want everyone to be in love because you are. Mati and Denton sitting in a tree,” Billy sings.

My brows pinch. “What are you, five?” I huff.

“Forty-six and loving every minute of it.” He winks as if I should understand. I don’t. I haven’t had the cavalier one-night stands my brother’s had for the past sixteen years. I’ve been much more selective, and it feels as if I haven’t enjoyed myself until I’m almost fifty.

“Anyway,” Mati draws out. Her hand comes to my wrist. “I know it’s difficult. You want to move on, but you don’t know if you should. You want to feel something again, but what you feel is guilt for wanting that something. I know,” she stresses, and my sister does know. Her husband. My wife. Both taken too young. “But you have to let go, Giant.” Her voice softens. “It’s been ten years. She’s never coming back, and you already know that. You aren’t betraying her. You aren’t harming her memory. The memories will always be there, but it’s time to make new ones. With your life. The one you’re still living.”

She’s right. And I know she’s right.