Page 68 of Silver Brewer

“Yes, I have. There’s a vineyard near there, right?” I know exactly where she is, and I type in the name of the lodge when she tells me where she’s staying. Then I reverse onto Main Street.

“A vineyard, yes.” The line goes silent for a moment, but I don’t want to let her go.

“So…uhm…how have you been?” I’m not good at small talk. When I called home while I was overseas, Clara did most of the talking, filling me in on the girls, my family, and any other gossip until my time was up.

“Lonely,” she admits, and my heart breaks. I know the feeling.

“I’m sorry. I mean, I’m sorry for what happened with the girls. Well, not the girls because they adore you just as I do, but I mean, I’m sorry for not telling you.”

“When did you become the chatterbox?” She giggles, and then silence falls another moment. “I know you’re sorry. I am too. I might have overreacted a bit, but it was a shock, Giant. I mean you mentioned Clara and motherhood, but you hadn’t even hinted at children, and then there they were, staring at me. Literally the elephant in the room.”

“I wouldn’t say an elephant,” I good-naturedly mock. “More like a stunned bear.”

“I was stunned but so were they. Are they okay? Their reactions suggest finding a woman in their father’s house doesn’t happen often.” Is she fishing for something? I’m not going to hold anything else inside.

“I already told you, there’s never been another woman in my house. Ever. Not my bed, my hot tub, or that damn leather chair I can’t sit in without thinking of you.”

She softly huffs into the phone. “Then why didn’t you tell me?”

Haven’t I explained this? I didn’t want to share her. “Letty, have you ever wanted something for yourself? Something you didn’t know you wanted until it was before you, and then, even though you want to shout to the world, look what I found, you’re also afraid others will want it too?” I take a deep breath. “I’ve been longing for something different, some kind of spontaneity that I couldn’t name, couldn’t imagine, and then, there you were. You. You’re what I’ve been longing for.” It’s all true. My life has been predictable. Routine. I’ve been waiting for something more, and I finally have it in her.

“I understand what you mean.” Her voice drops lower. “It’s how I feel about you, too. It scares me.”

I’m terrified by what I feel because it seems like too much, too fast. Yet, just as Mati said, how can I put a time limit on such things? I’ve been waiting a long while for this feeling, so I don’t want to easily give it up. Letty remains quiet for another minute. Seems I’ve taken up her trait of needing to fill the quiet space, so I start talking about my girls.

“They liked you. Ellie called me the next day and asked when I’d see you again, then when would they see you again, and would they get the chance to spend more time with you.” It was exactly how I knew they’d react. Curious. Eager. Hopeful. My daughters wanted the best for me, even if we weren’t terribly close. We had a routine, so I didn’t lose them completely: once a month Sunday breakfast at my house, their choice of days in the month to visit my parents’ house, and then every other Wednesday for dinner in Atlanta. Phone calls were once a week because…I didn’t have much to say.

“They were sweet once the initial shell-shock dulled a little. Your granddaughters are lovely.” There’s a sadness in her tone when all I want to do is keep things light, but I know we’ll have to dig a little deeper.

“I’m sorry again about the Mimi comment. I don’t know where that came from. Mick has parents in South Carolina, and they see them from time to time.”

“I didn’t mind,” she replies, and another flash of hope ignites in me. “I just think I’d like to become a mother before being considered a grandmother.” She laughs awkwardly. “It seems like the natural progression of things.”

“How is that going?”

She explains the progress of her adoption request and how the foster system is hopeful of finding someone for her. She really wants a newborn but will accept any child under five. She wants it to be a boy. “My reasons relate to Owen. I want to make up for where I once lacked.” It’s a tall order, and no child will be a replacement for the brother she lost. It also wasn’t her fault he died. “I think one thing that upset me about your girls is you having them. I’m jealous, Giant. You already raised children, and you’re on to grandchildren. I haven’t even started yet.”

“It isn’t a competition,” I say. “Or a race.”

“I know that,” she says, resolve in her voice. “I just…sometimes, I feel like I’m losing time, and I’m frustrated by the process of things.” The defeatist tone doesn’t suit her, and I want to wrap her in my arms and tell her she can do anything, have anything. Sometimes, what we want takes time. Like me finding her.

“You’ve already had it all.” She’s quieter as she adds, “The last thing you’d want to do is to start over.”

“Don’t tell me what I wouldn’t want.” The words are curt, and I shift on the driver’s seat, tightening my hands on the wheel as I mutter a quick apology. I don’t want to fight with her because starting over feels more and more like something I do want. Like a second chance.

“Fine. I shouldn’t make assumptions, but I don’t know what you want, Giant, and it’s a lot to discuss. We haven’t known each other very long, and we’ve already had so many misunderstandings between us.”

You, I want you. No misunderstanding there.

“Nothing’s between us,” I emphasize. My voice deepens, demanding, “No more holding back.”

Silence lingers for only a second.

“Would you want to do it all again?” she cautiously questions, but before I can answer, she nervously chatters. “Maybe that’s something we can talk about on Saturday when you’re here. I’d feel better if we talked face to face.”

I agree, only we won’t have to wait until Saturday before we’re face to face.

“So how is the beer-making business?” she interjects. I’m not letting this conversation slide, but I need to say some things when I can see her reaction, as she said, so I blow out a breath as I envision my office—and my desk—another place I can’t look at without thinking of her. I tell her about the upcoming holidays, which are a busy time for us, and how wholesale has really increased over the two years with Jaxson as head of sales and distribution. I’m proud of my nephew and offering him the job was the least I could do after all his mother did for my girls. Plus, keeping the business in the family is important to me.