Page 99 of Silver Brewer

“The birth mother was located, and I panicked. That day you called offering to adopt Finn…I had gotten the news earlier in the day that I might lose him. It was the only thing on my mind.”

I sit up straighter, focusing on her as she looks down at her beer, chipping at the label with her nail.

“The biological mother reneged her rights. My liaison said it would have been a difficult fight if she wanted custody as they found her in a drug house on the southside of town. There was no way she could have taken care of a child, but there was still a risk…”

I stare at her. “Why didn’t you say something? I could have helped you. I could have been there for you.” What was she thinking?

“I don’t know how,” she says, lifting her eyes to me and blinking at unshed tears. I don’t know how I would have helped her either, but I could have been there for her, been moral support or physical comfort.

“It hurt, Letty. Hurt damn bad when you let me go.”

“I’m sor—” I hold up a hand to stop her from speaking. I need to get it all out, and then she can chatter away at me.

“I want to say I understand why you did it, why you pushed me away, but I don’t. I promised you I was all in and committed to making it work.”

“And I didn’t think it was fair to you. I didn’t want you to feel trapped. I didn’t want to be trapped—not by you, but the process—and I didn’t want to drag you in. I didn’t want you asking to share Finn because it seemed like the only way. And on that day, I didn’t even know if I’d have Finn to share with anyone.”

“Because you don’t want to share him.”

“That isn’t what I meant.”

“Then tell me what you did mean.”

She sighs, and I’m expecting little white lies, but she’s surprisingly honest. “I want it all, and it didn’t seem right to ask it of you. It didn’t seem fair to ask you to take on Finn when you’ve already raised your children.”

“You didn’t ask me, though. I offered, and you took the choice from me.”

“What was I supposed to say? Gee, Giant, that sounds awesome. I want you to adopt my son, but you hadn’t mentioned marrying me. I mean, I want to marry you because I love you, and I’m pretty sure my son loves you, and I think you’d be a great father and a good husband. But it seems like too much…” Her voice drifts. She looks over at the chimney.

“Yes. Yes, you were supposed to say those things if you wanted them. But you told me marriage wasn’t in your plan, that sharing Finn wasn’t in your plan, Letty.”

“I’ve always wanted it. I told you, love and marriage, and a baby and happily ever after, but I didn’t want to ask...I wanted it to happen.”

She swipes a hand through her long, chestnut hair, and I want to wrap it around my fist. I want to tug on it until she gives in to me, until she sees she robbed us of months together.

“I want all those things too, Letty, with you and Finn.” Her head turns back to me. “But I’m angry right now. I want to forgive you and punish you. I want to hate you and love you.”

“Want me to beg? Want me to play Naked and Afraid on the mountain? Want me to kneel before you?” she snaps, and my irritation grows.

“Yes.”

She takes a long pull of her beer and uncrosses her legs to stand from the couch. She walks to the fireplace, places the beer bottle on the mantle, and then turns to face me. The light has dimmed in the room as the sun has dipped. I don’t have a fire burning as it’s just warm enough, and my heart heats anyway with adrenaline and frustration. She pulls off her T-shirt, standing before me in a pink bra. Then she shucks off her jeans, exposing a matching panty. She wasn’t wearing shoes or socks. She lowers to the bear skin rug on both knees and places her hands on her thighs. Holding my gaze, she looks vulnerable and scared, and my heart races both guilty and thrilled at her position.

“I asked you to marry me today, and you refused.”

“I did no—”

“It’s my turn to talk. I’m sorry for what I did to us. I’m sorry for saying there wasn’t another way or not believing you loved me or loved Finn enough. I didn’t want you to feel pressured into something you’ve already experienced. I was scared of losing Finn, so I pushed you away.”

“But my experiences haven’t been with you, and I want them to be,” I say, sitting forward and setting my beer on the floor at my feet. She holds up a hand.

“My turn.” She rubs her hands down her bare thighs, and my mouth waters. “I’m sorry, Giant. That’s all I can say. I’m sorry.” Her voice cracks, and I can’t take anymore. The sorrow in her eyes. The vulnerable position. I lunge for her, catching her before she falls back.

“Where’s the ring?”

“What?”

“The ring you offered me earlier.”