Page 103 of Silver Player

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to know your thing or two, and Roxanne and I aren’t dating,” I say, pointing back at her. It’s the second time I’ve denied what Roxanne and I are doing, and it doesn’t feel right to me.

Sadie drops her arms and fists her fingers.

“It’s freezing out here. We should get you home. Besides, it’s late.” It has to be close to midnight.

“Why didn’t you tell Aunt Roxie about the interviews?” Sadie’s voice lowers, and I shake my head, disappointed in myself.

“I honestly forgot.” I sigh. “When Jordan mentioned proceeding with custody, I wasn’t certain I would. Roxie and I said we’d work something out, and I thought we were. I thought things were good.”

Sadie tilts her head. “I thought so, too. Why does anything have to change?”

“It doesn’t, but you’re my daughter, and I want you to live with me.” Her eyes widen, startled by the admission. I’m startled as well, as this is the first time I’ve spoken my feelings out loud. “I want you to live with me.”

As Sadie stares at me, I continue. “Of course, you’ll have a say in where you want to live. Reside. And I’ll do what you want. I’ll still see you all the time no matter what you decide.” I honestly mean what I say. Sadie will probably request to remain with Roxie, the relative she knows best and who her mother wanted her to be with, and I’ll follow whatever Sadie wishes, but I want her to know that I want her as well.

“Where you live changes nothing for me.” I reach for her and shake her shoulders until I’m certain she understands. When she nods, I pull her into me for a deep hug. It’s rare that I touch her. Rarer still that we’ve hugged, but when her arms come around me, my throat clogs. She’s my daughter, and there can’t be any greater feeling than holding your child, no matter what age.

When she pulls back, I keep my arm over her shoulder, tugging her into my side because it’s freaking freezing out here.

“You need to fix this with Aunt Roxie,” Sadie states. “I…I love you both, and I don’t want her hurting because of you.”

My heart skips a beat at the mention of loving me. I’m not certain she means it on a deeper level, but I take those three words and tuck them in my pocket.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” I say, lowering my voice. “I don’t want her hurting either.” I don’t. I just don’t know how to undo what I’ve done.

“What did you do?” Sadie asks, her voice reminiscent of Roxanne’s when she entered my office nearly two months ago, chewing me out for my behavior toward Sadie after our first meeting.

“I said some things I didn’t mean, and then I said more things I didn’t mean.”

God, I’m such an asshole.

“So say some new things to make her feel better.”

“It’s not that easy,” I say to my daughter as I walk her back to her apartment.

“It’s also not that complicated,” Sadie states. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“She’ll never speak to me again.” I scoff.

“I think she’s already there, so you have nothing left to lose,” Sadie teases without humor. But she’s wrong, I already feel like I’ve lost everything. If I don’t have Roxanne, I don’t have the all that I long for. Her and Sadie. “And most of all, say you’re sorry.”

I look forward as we walk, not certain how to do any of the things Sadie suggests. Talk to Roxie. Beg for forgiveness. Apologize.

“You can do this, Dad. I have faith in you.”

The words stop me short, and I stumble as we walk.

I have faith in you.

She might be the first person who ever has, and I realize she might be the most important person who will, and I don’t want to disappoint her.

36

Case closed

[Roxanne]

Billy exits the courtroom while I wait my turn. We interview separately with the court-appointed liaison. He looks as miserable as I feel, but I can’t think about him. I need to think about Sadie. What’s best for her? She’ll interview next, and I’m not allowed in the room. Sadie has a child advocate assigned to her for her protection in the interview process.