Page 113 of Silver Player

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why wouldn’t it work?”

“Because you haven’t forgiven me yet, and maybe you never will. I’m struggling to forgive myself for pushing you away and wanting you back when I know you won’t easily come.” He steps forward, filling my space and lifting his hand for my neck. He holds and strokes at my nape. “I wanted you to hold onto me, and then I’m the one who pushed you away.”

My breath catches as my heart skips.

“Roxanne, do you remember when you told me you’d never live with a man again without a promise?”

“Yes.” I stare at him, eyes fixated on his as he ignores my question and asks his own.

Pulling something out of his pocket, he holds up the object with his fingers. “I was hoping you would come to my mother’s house so I could give you this, but seeing as you have plans, I’d like to leave it with you instead. If you are ever ready to accept my promise to never, ever hurt you again like I did, I’ll be right across the street waiting. Where I’m ready to promise you more.”

My eyes drift to the square red box with a white bow on the top, and I’m wondering for only a second what’s taking Sadie so long to return with her bag.

“What’s this?”

“The promise you wanted before you could live with another man.” He lifts the box higher until I reach for it. “I don’t want to pressure you, but part of the plan was Sadie hoped you’d live with us. You and me and Sadie in one house. My house and I’d make it as much yours as you’d like.”

My eyes fixate on the box, leap to his, and then return to the present. He can’t possibly be asking me to marry him. That’s not what he’s saying, and I know he would never make such a jump from where we are. Hesitantly, I take the box from him and tip the lid. Inside is a silver band entwined with a silver band of chip diamonds. I stare at the item before looking up at Billy, whose eyes focus on the ring.

“I don’t understand.” I honestly don’t know what he’s asking or what this represents, but my heart screams for me to say yes to him. A thousand yeses.

“It’s a promise ring. A promise to be true to you and faithful to Sadie. There are sixteen diamonds representing her age. The two bands are us, forever entwined together because of her. I’d never break you apart. I don’t want to be apart from you. I want us to start over somehow, someway, when you’re ready.” His eyes slowly lift to mine. “I love you, Roxanne. I don’t want to live without you.”

My breath hitches. Words escape me, and I take too long to respond because Sadie finally enters the living room.

“I’m ready,” she says, but I can’t take my eyes off Billy, who isn’t looking away from me.

“You don’t need to answer right away,” he finally says. “Think about it, Roxie. Take all the time you need, but there’s room at my place for all of us. And room in my heart for only you.” He steps forward and corner kisses my lip like he did that first night, lingering at the crease where they join and then slowly pulling away. “Merry Christmas, Roxanne.”

I still don’t speak, standing in the living room with the box in my hand and a ring of promises. I don’t even blink, and then I see him step back as if waiting on an answer. Another step backward and his eyes haven’t left mine. One more step and then he tips his chin and spins on his dress shoe heel. He walks to Sadie, who has been watching both of us.

“Ready, honey?”

“Ready, Dad.” Her eyes observe me a second longer, and then she adds, “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”

I’m not certain of anything at that moment, but my mouth finally opens as I watch father and daughter stand together.

“Go without me, baby. Merry Christmas.”

+ + +

As I stand on the solid earth, packed down over the months, I stare at the minimal stone laid next to my mother’s.

“Hey, Trixie,” I say, eyes flooding with liquid, and her full name blurs. The dates disappear as well. My sister was only in her mid-forties. Too young to pass. Too soon to leave this earth.

“I messed up.” I choke on the words and swallow the thickness in my throat. “I messed up so badly.”

I sniff as I try to find the words to explain myself to my sister, hoping her spirit hears me.

“I thought she didn’t choose me, but all she wants is a family.”

Tears fall in earnest, and I swipe at my cheeks. “I thought I failed you, but you messed up, too. You were upset when you found out you were pregnant and so unsure of the future. You thought you could do it on your own, but you never did. I was there for you. You should have told him. It could have been more than a crush and just sex. He’s so much more, Trixie, and you weren’t fair to him.”

I swallow as I sardonically chuckle. “I slept with him, too.” I blink back the tears and stare up at the winter sky overhead. “I slept with him because I had a crush on him as well, but it has turned into so much more for me, and my heart feels like it’s been ripped into a million pieces. I don’t know what to do. He wants me to live with him. With both of them. He’s a good man. Romantic. Loving. God, he loves so hard, Trixie. And he’s directing that love at me.”