Page 42 of Silver Player

“I didn’t want to disturb you,” I say, although it isn’t true. When he laid back down, I felt his rejection again and didn’t want to stay on the bed with him.

“Huh.” Billy double taps his hands on the wall and disappears down my hallway.

Huh is right, buddy. What are you doing here?

I finally drag myself to the kitchen after finding a pair of yoga pants to slip under my short tee. Sadie’s giggles and Billy’s smiles make me feel like an intruder in my own home. They work in symmetry in my small space, falling into a rhythm while they discuss baking breakfast foods. My heart pinches, knowing this might be Sadie’s future. Sundays…without me. I should be used to it. Sadie isn’t my child, and I’ve lived without her easy presence for three years, but when she was a child, this was our routine. I’d let my sister sleep and make a big breakfast with Sadie.

“Coffee?” Billy asks over his shoulder. I hadn’t even noticed he noticed me standing in the doorway.

“That would be a dream,” I say, and Billy stops, pausing with the batter-filled cup over the electric griddle but not pouring it. Did he ask me something about a dream last night? I’m so fuzzy on the details once we walked up the stairs, but not fuzzy enough to remember I threw myself at him and he rejected me.

“Dreams coming true. That’s me.” Billy pats his chest with a loud thump, grins slowly at me, and then turns back for the griddle.

Give me that coffee. Stat.

Billy does make me scrambled eggs and toast, and the whole experience of him cooking and me doing nothing in my own kitchen makes me uneasy. I’m on edge while we pass through the meal and feel drained once again after I eat.

“Seems Aunt Roxie needs more rest,” Billy teases, leaning on the table.

“Except you cooked so she needs to clean. House rules.” I have no idea what she means as I cook and clean every night, although Sadie does help me with the dishes most evenings.

“I think today we’ll give Roxie a pass.” Billy winks at me, and it’s obvious this is some private joke between them. I feel even more like an outsider, and I just want to go to my room.

“Yeah, it seems beer and I aren’t good company as I get older.” I glance over at Sadie, a little embarrassed at admitting I’m hungover at forty-one.

“Beer and you are just fine as company. It’s the overindulgence that gets you every time.”

Again, I’m ready to retort with he should know, but I bite my lip and offer a tight smile. Billy’s brows pinch in question, but I’m not about to get into it with him. He swipes his hands over his thighs and stands, picking up his plate and mine.

“I’ll do it,” I say.

“You need to go back to bed. I got it today.”

“Just stack them. I’ll do them later,” I snap, losing my will to hold my tongue. This is what we do. We bicker, and I’m looking for a fight with him. Maybe it will restore my equilibrium.

Billy questions me again with softened eyes, but I glance away. I don’t have the strength to read the whiskey color.

“Okay, I really need to check on what happened last night and the closing up of things.”

Sadie gives him a short wave. “I have homework, so I’ll see you later.” Her voice hesitates, waiting on Billy to confirm he will see her again, and maybe even add when.

“See ya, kiddo.” Then he does something he’s never done before. He steps up to her and kisses her near the temple. Sadie blushes and turns on her heels for her room.

“That was sweet,” I say, startled by the move.

“I can be, you know. Do the gentleman thing and all.”

I think I’ll be a gentleman tonight.

“Yeah…so…about last night. I’m really sorry…about…everything.” The missed kiss. The puked-on boots. Spending the night.

“It happens,” he says as if not fazed by anything. Women probably throw themselves at him all the time. I’m only surprised he passed up some willing opportunity last night to stay with me. Then again, it reaffirms what I’ve always known. He isn’t interested in someone like me.

“I’ll see my ladies later.”

Not only do his words surprise me with the collective possessive, but then he startles me by stepping up and kissing my temple similar to how he kissed Sadie’s. It does nothing to comfort me. Instead, it solidifies how he sees me. Although I’m too old to be a daughter to him, he considers me like a sister, and being the sister-friend is never a great thing.

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