Page 68 of Silver Player

What if I’d lost her? Theresa would never forgive me. Even from the grave, my sister would haunt me with my irresponsibility and lenient ways, cursing me for being too soft, too kind, too unstructured. My sister used to be that way until motherhood. Is this what I’m turning into? I recall how my heart raced and I rushed the police department, frantic to find Sadie and tug her to me, but then lost my composure once I saw her. Relief overwhelmed me but so did frustration.

She missed her mother.

It made sense. I missed mine when she passed. I still do, and it strikes at the oddest times. I understood the loneliness, the abandonment, the hole in her heart, yet I went berserk, forgetting myself as I laid into her.

And then Billy. Damn him.

Are you done? he asked of me and then held out his arms like the good parent. Good cop. Bad cop. I am not going to compete with him. I am not going to let him get off so easily. Parenting takes a united front. I’ve heard horror stories of dads who are always gifting items, taking expensive trips, and allowing kids anything while moms must play the other side of the coin: offering what kids need versus want, providing opportunity versus fancy vacations, and regulating manners. The separation in our roles weighs between us.

“Roxie?”

Go away, I want to snap, but I didn’t. I lay there, my eyes closed, hoping he’ll think I’m sleeping.

“Roxie, are you sleeping, or are you faking it, so I’ll go away?”

I hate how he can read me.

“What do you want, William?” The barrier of his given name provides the formality I need to restore the balance between us. Forget the tender kisses. Forget the mind-blowing orgasm. Forget the small sweet gestures of his continued presence. He’s gotten too close to me lately, and it’s messing with my head. And my heart.

“I want to sleep with you.” The quiet tone of his voice and the hesitant statement turn me from my side to look up at him over my shoulder. “I just…I want to hold you.” He pauses, scratching under his chin like he does. “Tonight scared me a little bit.”

I sit up, surprised by his admission. He appeared so rational. Driving to the police station, wrapping Sadie in his arms, and then diplomatically asking her questions in his truck, he was calm and collected while I was losing my cool, brewing like a pot of tea.

“You seemed so unaffected,” I state, drawing my knees up to my chest. I’m wearing a mid-thigh flannel nightshirt, but the blankets cover me. Billy’s sweater is no longer on his chest, and his T-shirt clings to his midsection. He’s solid from what I know of him. With my eyes on his abdomen, he crawls up the bed next to me, making himself at home on his back. He tucks a hand behind his head, but the other slips around my backside, tugging at my hip. I lower to rest in the nook he’s made for me.

“I was dying a little inside. That was intense,” he admits. He twists his neck, so his lips brush my forehead. Something I’m noting about Billy is his need for physical contact when things turn tough. It happened earlier when he showed up along with the local sheriff. When he climbed behind me on my bed and held me, like he couldn’t get me close enough. When he doesn’t know what else to do in a situation, he offers up himself.

“I’m not sure what I’d do if I lost her now.” He swallows, the movement of his throat near my forehead. He clears it, and continues, “I just found out I have her. My daughter. I don’t want to go back to a time without her.”

We should talk about the future. What’s going to happen moving forward as we can’t change the past. But not tonight. For now, I’m relieved Sadie is home and safe. She needs some additional support outside Billy and me, and we should talk about that option as well. But again, not tonight. Tonight, I need to relieve Billy of his worries, assure him that Sadie and I aren’t going anywhere just like he’s tried to assure me he has the same thought. We’re a unit. Nothing will separate us. Nothing will separate the three of us.

My hand falls to his chest, flattening to coast the plains of his pecs. His nipples stand erect under the tight tee, and I pause with a fingertip on the short nub. Then I circle it. He sucks in a breath, his abs drawing tight. His hand still cups my shoulder, and I skim lower, my palm covering the slight bumps and bulges of muscle above his waistline. He’s fit and firm, and I wonder what else is that way on him. My eyes drift lower, the evidence of his arousal present under his zipper. I pause, but my fingers twitch to discover him, distract myself from all other thoughts.

“Roxie.” His voice croaks. “Whatcha doing?”

My eyes close, afraid he’s read my mind, and I swallow the tightening in my throat when I admit, “I’m thinking about touching you. Comforting you.”

His hand moves from behind his head, cupping my chin and tipping it so I look up at him.

“Comfort me however you please.”

Before I can respond, his hand covers my cheek, and he’s guiding my mouth to meet his. Our lips start slowly as his body shifts, pressing us front to front while we lie on our sides. Within seconds, the kiss deepens, and his body leans mine back, covering half of me as a leg slips over my thighs and his hand travels to a covered breast.

“You’re fucking perfect,” he mutters as he watches his hand cover me.

“I had a breast reduction,” I quietly state. His head pops up, his eyes wide.

“Why?”

“I was…heavier when I was younger, and they were too large, almost annoying. I had them reduced a few years back.”

Billy looks down at my chest and then curls up to his knees. He throws back the cover and lifts my nightshirt, fulling exposing me to him.

Staring at my chest, he speaks to them. “I’m sorry babies. She didn’t mean it.”

With a giggle, I reach out to push him away. “You’re so immature,” I say until his mouth latches onto me, and I fall back to the mattress. The warm cavern of his mouth takes as much of me in while his hand palms the remaining globe. He massages as his tongue laps around my nipple and then sucks at the stiff nub. My back arches, forcing me into his mouth.

“That feels so good,” I whisper, uncertain when my comforting him turned into him turning me on. My hands slip into his hair, scrubbing over his head as he moves to the other breast and returns his attention in a similar manner. Licking while squeezing. Sucking and nipping the sharp peak. He pulls off with a pop and stares down at them once more before lowering to my midsection, kissing my skin as his hand travels faster than his mouth and slips into my underwear.