Page 98 of Silver Player

This is my fault.

“Roxie and I are a united front for Sadie.”

“But what are you with each other?” Charlie asks, and I fall into a vacant chair, my hands covering my face.

The only piece of you I wanted was your heart.

“I don’t know,” I whisper, my eyes lowering to the floor. I fucked this up.

“What about living arrangements? Have you even asked Sadie if she wants to live with you?” Jordan asks.

“Why don’t you just have Roxie and Sadie live with you? Problem solved.” This comes from my nephew Jaxson who’s been living with his baby momma and finally proposed to her at Thanksgiving after they had the baby. It was all backward.

I straighten with the thought.

Everything with Roxanne has been unconventional. Sadie is her sister’s daughter with me. It can’t get more backward than that, yet I want Roxie in my life. I want all of her.

Then why the hell did you push her away? my heart screams.

I don’t know. I just don’t. I panicked.

Could I live with Roxie? I hinted at it last night, and she mentioned she’d never live with another man without a promise. Could I marry Roxie? The idea seems absurd, but I can’t say I haven’t considered it.

You promised. Her voice rings in my head.

She’ll never believe me. She’ll never trust me again.

“Yeah, I guess I should ask Sadie what she thinks,” I say to no one in particular, but Charlie is watching me.

“And what about Roxanne? What does she think?”

The only piece of you I wanted was your heart.

I told her my history with Rachel and gave her my justification for my actions after the divorce. I opened up to her, and instead of running, she came closer, accepting my need to prove myself. Only, it didn’t feel like I was proving anything to her. She told me what she thought of me as a father, a business owner, a donor, a man.

Any woman would be honored to be with you.

She even sympathized about Rachel, saying it wasn’t right to break my heart.

And then this morning, I broke hers while she broke mine.

I hate myself.

“Roxie wants Sadie to stay with her. She’s the only family Roxie has left.” The words taste like acid as Roxie told me her most vulnerable concerns, and now she thinks I’ve betrayed her. She thinks I want to separate them, but it’s the furthest thing from my thoughts. I want Roxie to feel like my family can be her family. I can be her family.

“You’re in deep, aren’t you, man?” Jaxson says to me, and I feel Jordan’s eyes on the side of my head. “You love her, but you fucked it up, didn’t you?”

How does my twenty-seven-year-old nephew know this stuff?

I shake my head, lowering my face. I’m a disappointment…to myself. She trusted me.

“Roxie could be a game changer for you,” Jordan warns, offering advice as my attorney, but he has no idea of the truth in those words. She already changed the game. I want her. I want Sadie and her.

34

Disillusioned by disappointment

[Roxanne]