Page 34 of Speak from the Heart

Rule 10

Words of wisdom are never late.

[Emily]

The next few hours are a blur. I accompany Nana in the ambulance, and the ride feels like it takes forever because the closest hospital is three towns over. Joe Carpenter arrived on the scene and promised to follow me with Jess. I don’t know why he’s coming, and I don’t think about it again until I find him in the waiting room. They won’t let me stay with Nana while they run the initial tests.

Possible hip fracture.

Definitely cracked ribs.

Broken arm.

Concern for internal organs.

I need to call Grace, is my first thought, but it’s the last thing I want to do. She’s pregnant. She doesn’t need this stress.

As I near the waiting area, Jess stands. His face is wiped of all color. He moves as if to wrap me in his arms, but for some reason, I don’t want his touch. I don’t want his sympathy. I can’t melt into someone like him. Solid. Good. Permanent.

“You aren’t staying,” he’d said against my mouth, like he wasn’t just confirming my schedule but wanted me to go.

Yet you still kissed him, Emily.

My body is so traitorous. The cells of my skin tingle like sparks and flashes of electricity, but I don’t have the energy to connect. I need to hold myself together. It’s what I do best.

“Because you’re efficient,” he’d say.

Because if I don’t, I’ll break.

If I think too much on all that I don’t have, I might fracture. Like a broken vase held together with glue, I try to keep the jagged pieces connected as best I can.

I might be passed up for the next position at City’s Edge.

I might not get that story I want so bad.

I might never find a man who wants me first.

Jess stares at me, his face pleading with mine, but I don’t know what he wants from me. I have nothing to offer. It’s been the case so many times. I’m good but not good enough.

“They’re admitting Nana.” It’s all I say.

“What can I do?” he whispers, and I want to list the many things, none of which I’d ever share with him.

Love me. Keep me.

I shake my head. “I need to call my sister.” And my boss. There’s no way I’m leaving now.

“I’m so sorry this happened. If we hadn’t been—”

It wasn’t supposed to happen. That’s where he’s leading. If we hadn’t been making out like hungry teens, I might have heard her earlier. I might have sensed her moving around. I might have caught her at the top of the stairs instead of watching her fall down them.

“Why did you grab me?” Agitation fills my voice.

“What do you mean?”

“You shoved me to the side. I could have stopped her fall.”

“She would have crushed you,” Jess hisses with concern.