Page 66 of Speak from the Heart

Rule 18

Have a heart despite the potential loss of it.

[Emily]

I stand there, watching Jess walk away, wondering what just happened.

Gabe slept with his wife.

It’s not that I’m shocked about Gabe’s behavior.

I took her back.

Poor Jess. He must have really loved her if he forgave her and stayed with her.

And then she still left him.

What a piece of work she was, but it also explains a lot. He’s keeping up a wall because I’m going to walk away. It’s not that I want to go, but I just don’t have assurances from him that I should stay.

While still in the alley, I pull my phone from my purse and call Grace, telling her everything. The sex. The dates. The blowout at the Tavern. I saunter home as I tell my tale.

“You had sex, and you didn’t tell me?” my sister shrieks, followed by a giggle.

“Grace, you have sex all the time. You’re about to have your fifth child, for heaven’s sake.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same, and it’s so difficult when I’m this huge. I’m living vicariously through you.” She’s teasing me, trying to break the tension she hears in my voice.

“Sounds like someone was jealous,” she adds.

“He sounded broken, Grace. His wife slept with someone, he caught her, and then he took her back. And she still left him.”

“Fragile heart,” Grace whispers. “He sounds like you.”

“I don’t have a fragile heart.” I laugh. I’m the one left behind. I’ve become hard-hearted to it.

“Yes, you do, Em. You get dumped, and you’re so hurt, but it’s always a sign that he was not the right guy, not that you’re the wrong girl.”

Tears prick my eyes at her words.

“So what are you going to do?” she asks.

“Go home,” I say with a shrug. I’ve arrived at Nana’s house, and I climb the steps to sit on the porch swing. It’s getting even harder to be inside now that new memories have been made with Jess. The living room. The shower. My bed.

“Do you want to go?”

“I don’t have a choice, do I? My job awaits.” I sigh.

“Quit it,” my sister commands, her tone serious. “You aren’t happy there.”

“Grace, I’m not independently wealthy. I can’t just leave my job.”

“You’re a single woman who’s worked a decade at the same place. You haven’t taken a vacation in over a year. I know you save money for a rainy day. Here’s your rainy day.”

I laugh at my sister’s wisdom, but she isn’t totally wrong. It just feels like such a big risk, and for what? Jess just walked away from me as I stood there wanting to help.

You offering me something?

Nope. The popping sound in his rejection resounds in my head.