Page 81 of Speak from the Heart

Rule 23

Unasked questions don’t get answers.

[Emily]

“Did I make a mistake?” I ask Grace on the phone, laying it all out for her that night.

It’s not that I don’t love my new job. Who doesn’t want to get paid to read books and connect them to life experiences? I have so many ideas for the column.

“You know you had another one of those movie moments, right?” Grace says, and I giggle. My sister’s been watching a lot of late-night movies since she isn’t sleeping well. Baby five is due to arrive any day now.

“What movie?”

“Jess pulled an, ‘I’m just a man standing in front of a woman asking her to love me,’ moment.”

I laugh harder. “First of all, it’s the other way around. The woman went after the man, and no one said anything about love.” Although that’s exactly how I feel. I love him.

“You know what I mean.” Grace pauses. “You wanted a man to chase you, and he did.”

I stare at my sliding glass door that leads out to a narrow balcony. That’s my backyard.

“Everything I ever wanted I already had,” Jess said. He didn’t need to look further than his own backyard.

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

“What do you mean?” she asks, keeping her voice low.

“I think I made the wrong choice,” I state.

“In my exhaustion, honey, I don’t have brain cells to spare, so you need to be very specific.”

“I’m not sure I’m happy here.”

“In your condo?”

“In Chicago.” The admission falls around me like a rain shower, spontaneous yet refreshing. “I miss them.”

“That’s because you care about them. You love them, Em. Can you admit that to yourself?”

I remain quiet for a second.

“Missing someone is a part of love. I go through this every time Mark leaves.” Grace’s husband serves endless tours in the military, and whenever he returns home, she gets pregnant once again. “I’m not certain which way you want me to lean, Em. Do you want to quit your dream job or be with the man of your dreams who you love along with his child?”

Well, when she puts it like that? Do I really need to choose? But Grace isn’t finished.

“Let me put it another way. What would Nana say? She’d say your life is your story, and only you can decide how it’s written.”

“That still doesn’t help me decide.”

“I think you’ve already decided, little sister. You just need to do it.”

“I’m so scared.” My voice cracks as I whisper into the phone.

“Honey, that’s a part of love too. If it wasn’t scary, we’d miss the thrill of it. It would be boring and soft, and from what you’ve told me, boring and soft are not two words one would use to describe Jess Carter.” She laughs at her comment in reference to all the oversharing I’ve done about Jess and myself and our bedroom antics. “Look, do you need me to spell it out for you? Here’s how I see it. You wanted a man to chase you, and he did. You wanted a man to pick you, and he told you has. You say he’s stubborn, but so are you. You want to be asked outright. He doesn’t want to put that pressure on you. You need to make up your own mind, Em.”

She takes a deep breath.

“It’s your move, honey. Either run after him or let him go.”