Page 67 of Read With Your Heart

“Tricia?” Leon’s voice behind me begs me to turn to him, and I close my eyes, praying for strength. Slowly, I spin to face him. I glare at pewter eyes that lit my world and then burned it to the ground. I steady myself against the pain ripping me apart. “I’m—”

“Don’t say sorry,” I snap, surprised at the sharpness of my own voice. “Men always say sorry without truly apologizing.”

His head hangs, and he scrubs at the back of his neck. “It’s not what you think.”

“What I think? You don’t know what I think. What I know is one moment we’re making love, and the next, you’re racing out of my house.” His head snaps up, and more tears streak down my face. Dammit, I don’t want to cry. He steps closer to me, but I step back, holding up a hand.

“You shut me out,” I tell him. Days of no calls, no texts. “It was all a lie, wasn’t it? Just shirts and skin.” The words are bitter on my lips. “You’re a lie I told myself while hoping you were true,” I say, speaking more to myself than to him. I’m a damn fool.

“No, baby. It is real,” Leon says. He takes another step forward, but I take another step back.

“Not real enough, I guess. A real man doesn’t run away like that. He reaches out for the help offered. He welcomes the support. He holds true to the person who’s been there the most.” With the little I know of Leon Ramirez’s history, I’m certain I’ve been present for him more than others have. I refuse to believe I’m not good enough for him.

“You told me you didn’t need promises, Leon. But I do. I promised myself.” I promised myself I wouldn’t be stupid again.

“What promises did you make?” he questions, his eyes filled with a pain I can’t accept. I don’t know what to think of the man before me. Is that remorse? Is that regret?

“No,” I snap. “I’m done opening myself up and getting stomped on instead.”

“Don’t say that. That’s not what happened,” he says, his tone turning more defensive.

“Right now, I’m not certain what happened between us.” It’s true, and it hurts to admit.

“It was real, Tricia. It’s the realest thing to happen to me. Don’t walk away.”

“Me?” I shriek. “You walked away, Leon. You left, not me.”

“I don’t want to lose you. I’ve just got a lot of shit going on.”

I scoff at his statement. I understand where he’s coming from. I have a crazy, not-yet-ex-husband still wreaking havoc on my life.

“Nobody has it perfect, Leon.”

He huffs back at me, and I’m just done. I hold up a hand, eyes flaming as I speak to him. “You know where I live, Leon. Good luck with your shit.” It’s acidic and almost spiteful, but the stab to my chest is so painful I can’t breathe. Without a second thought, I turn and give him my back, just as he gave his to me.

Lesson 22

Be true to only you.

[Leon]

“Revenge . . .” my best friend, AJ, says to me as I stand in his pawn shop. It’s been days since Tricia stood on the sidewalk only blocks from my parents’ apartment, and I’d had a surreal moment of disbelief. She’d been here, standing before me, a woman broken by me but still fierce in spirit. And she hates me. “It’s sweet, but what does it really get you in the end?”

When I returned to Chicago, the first person I called was Alejandro. He’s short and squat with deep, dark eyes and straight black hair that spikes all over his head because of the short cut. He was my brother from another, and we’d been tight our entire lives. It killed me to walk away from him, but three years in the clink separates friends. Still, I’d needed him when I returned, and I knew he’d have my back. I’d been on the hunt for my sister.

When she told me what happened, my hunt turned to Hector.

Eighteen years ago, Hector Ortiz killed my brother, and I’ve hated him with a passion that burned my insides until I went to prison.

When I got out, I wanted peace.

Now that things with Lena have happened, I’ve propelled back eighteen years without much heart and with a whole different perspective. I can’t go through this again. Hatred consumes. It burns. It ruins. I’d been given a second chance at life, only my vision has fogged once more.

Was the second chance to avenge Israel and seek revenge for Lena? Or was my second chance the love shown to me by a good woman?

Lena was a little girl playing in the big boys’ lot, and she’d gotten burned. She hadn’t understood how the charm of her developing figure led the devil himself to her. I don’t think Lena ever knew just how bad he was. She didn’t know Israel. He was a ghost haunting our parents, and my sister has no connection to him. It’s like finding out your mother’s cousin two times removed has passed away, and you’re like, eh, that’s sad. They’re family, but you don’t feel anything for the loss.

Myself? I can’t get over the loss.