Page 53 of Fight from the Heart

“Oh, and where should I go, Jacob?” I hiss, leaning toward his body as he leans away from mine. He’s frightened of me. In fact, he’s holding himself back, gripping the rope as best he can because he looks ready to pounce. “Is it only about sex for you? Is that all you want from me?”

While Jacob’s shaking his head, Paddy speaks from behind me. “I’d like to have sex with you.” He’s only teasing, aggravating Jacob more to get a rise out of him. And it works, as Jacob moves, attempting to go around me to get at his trainer.

My hands go up, palms flat on his sweaty skin. “No!” I yell at Jacob. “No. This is our fight.” His head swings back to me, and I point back and forth between us.

“Is this about last night? Because I didn’t give in to you, didn’t give in to the pull.” I nearly spit at him, upset that he’s being such a dick because we haven’t slept together again. He’s a spoiled child not getting his way.

“Why did you fuck me that night? Was it just the convenience?” I need an answer. It’s clear Mandi doesn’t believe they are over. It’s clear Jacob can’t see she’s an issue. Am I wearing rose-colored glasses as well? Is this Brendan all over again, and I’m not seeing things clearly?

“Don’t.” The fire in his eyes could set me aflame. The black pupil has turned to molten lava, anger boiling over and rolling between us.

“Then tell me,” I demand, desperate to know why he did it. After two and a half years, why now? I need to know. Once and for all, I need to know if all he wants is in my pants, just some itch he needed to scratch.

“I regret nothing,” he says, and it sounds like something tattooed somewhere on his skin. He makes his choices, and he lives with them. Maybe that’s why he’s never truly gotten rid of Mandi.

“Come on, man, you can do better than that,” Paddy jests behind me, and Jacob raises a gloved hand in his direction.

“You . . .” He points at the man. “Stay out of this.”

“Just trying to help out a lady.”

I don’t need his help, and I’m ready to interject my own defense when Jacob turns back to me.

“And you. Don’t ever fucking say that to me again. I did not fuck you for money, pity, revenge, or any other stupid shit in your head.”

“Stupid?!” I shriek, aghast at the insult of my emotions. “You think I’m stupid?”

“Lilac, I didn’t—”

“You’re the stupid one,” I say, poking at his firm chest with my fingertip. “You’ve let her use you and abuse you when you have change your destiny written in ink right on your chest. You’re the one who permanently wrote nevermore on your wrist where you can see it when you type but over and over again you go back to her. You’re the one drowning yourself in alcohol to chase away the demons.” My voice cracks.

“I might have been stupid to miss a man cheating on me under my nose. No one else wanted to tell me, but people have been telling you.” My hand flings out to emphasize Paddy behind me. “And you’ve taken her back time and time again. I loved myself enough to walk away when I learned the truth. You need to do the same. Maybe then you’ll be able to see what’s right under your nose.”

I’m breathing so hard it’s as if I’ve gone twenty rounds myself. Jacob’s glaring back at me, eyes flaming, nostrils flaring. His chest heaves as he quietly takes my rant.

“If you’re so smart, you tell me, what’s under my nose, Lilac? What am I missing?” he demands.

“Me!” I cry. Then my breath catches, and I choke on the admission. His eyes widen. My chest heaves as sweat drips down my temple. We stare at one another until I step back. He reaches for me, only he can’t grab me with his gloved hands.

“No,” I whisper-hiss.

“Lilac,” he commands.

“You need to get your shit together, Jacob. Face those demons. Fight them,” I warn. “Or you’ll lose me.”

Taking another step back, I turn to face Paddy. “Sorry about that.”

The six-foot-three muscular man wears a shit-eating grin on his face.

“That’s what I need to see tomorrow night,” Paddy says over my head to Jacob. Then he glances down at me. “Hope you’re ringside. He’ll need ye.” He tips his head at Jacob. Suddenly, I know how Mandi knew Jacob was coming to New York.

“You told her, didn’t you?” I question, not angry, just curious.

“He’s my best fighter.” Dollar signs ring in his green eyes, and it makes sense. He wanted to rub her in all Jacob’s wounds, bringing up the pain and fueling it in him.

Turning back to Jacob, standing a foot from me, I dig my hole deeper. “I would never be like her, Jacob.” I raise my hand, and he flinches with anticipation, expecting a blow. Maybe he thinks he deserves it if I hit him. Maybe he’s equally attracted and repelled by that action, but I’d never do such a thing. I’d never physically harm him.

Instead, I cup his face, curl my fingers under his chin, and lower my other palm to his sweat-covered chest. His heart races underneath the tattoo, which speaks volumes.