Page 57 of Fight from the Heart

“I’ll see you back at the apartment.”

“Don’t go,” Ella says, holding my wrists.

“I’ll go with you,” Ethan offers, and I hadn’t realized he was behind me.

“No, stay. This is important.” I cup Ella’s face and glance at Ethan, who has stepped next to her. “I’ll be fine.”

Ella orders me an Uber and gives me her keys for the apartment. Once I’ve let myself in, I help myself to a long bath in the guest bathroom. I hear the front door slam, and Jacob’s heavy feet hammer up the staircase.

“Lilac?” His voice on the other side of the door forces me to close my eyes. The doorknob jiggles. “Lilac, please.”

My head shakes as my eyes feel the burn of tears. A soft thud hits the door.

“I can’t talk to you like this. I need to see your face.”

Then why did you leave with her?

I don’t ask. I choke back the question. My eyes remain closed, and I tip back my head, struggling to find my voice. “Just give me a minute, okay?”

The silence behind the door unnerves me, and I linger a little longer than a few minutes. To my surprise, I find Jacob on the edge of the bed, suit jacket off, shoes removed, and tie disheveled. He looks like a wreck, and I’m curious if he’s been drinking. He sits up as I approach, wearing nothing but a towel as I’d left my pajamas in the room.

I stop right before him. His fingers curl into fists as he looks up at me.

“I’m sorry. It’s all I seem to say to you.”

“Where did you go?” I hate that I’m asking. I hate that I feel like it’s Brendan all over again. He chose another woman over me.

“Just down the street around the corner. I didn’t want anyone to see or hear us fighting.” His head lowers, and I cup his chin, wondering if she struck him. Tipping up his face, all I see is the pain of a broken man. The damage is deeper than his skin, and I want to pull him to me. I want to cradle him against me and tell him he’ll be okay. But I’m not certain that’s true. He has to make decisions to improve himself. He needs help, and it’s more than me giving him a hug.

“You were gone a long time,” I say. It might have been ten minutes, but it was ten minutes too long.

“Nothing happened with her. Please, believe me. I didn’t touch her.” His eyes beg me, and my heart breaks. I want to trust him. I want to believe he didn’t give into her. One more goodbye kiss. One more it’s over embrace. When I found out about Brendan, we didn’t have that kind of closure. It was just over. Nothing lingered.

His hands hesitantly come to my hips, curling into the terrycloth material.

“I want to be with you.” His voice shakes while it drips with seduction. I’d like that more than anything, but I won’t be his rebound from her.

“I can’t do it,” I admit, swiping a hand over his head. He tips forward, lowering his forehead for my belly, tugging me closer to him.

“I don’t blame you. I don’t even want to be with me.”

I stroke over his head several times before bending to kiss the back of his head.

“Can I sleep with you?” The vulnerability in his voice breaks me in two.

“Jacob,” I groan.

“I swear. I’ll be good. I’ll keep my hands to myself. I just want to be near you.”

I sigh heavily. “Just let me get dressed.”

He nods. “I’ll be right back.” He picks up his jacket and leaves the room, not bothering to close the door behind him. I quickly dress in short pajamas and a long-sleeved shirt and climb into the bed. Jacob returns within minutes, wearing sleep pants and no shirt. Is he kidding me? His head lowers.

“You know I run hot when I sleep.”

The comment actually breaks the tension a little.

“I’m warning you,” I say, narrowing my eyes at him.