Page 63 of Fight from the Heart

“Bullshit,” Jacob spits, leaning toward her. The elevator alarm starts to ring as Ethan’s been holding the door too long.

And my heart drops to my feet, like the plummet of the lift waiting for us.

“Even for you, this is the lowest of lows,” Jacob hisses at her.

“It’s true. I have the doctor’s report to prove it.”

“It can’t be mine,” he states, rubbing a hand over his head, but all I see is frustration and a twinge of something else. “You know I don’t want them.”

The comment hits hard, but it’s almost the ultimate way to keep him. She got pregnant on their trip even though he told me he wasn’t with her. They had sex then, and he lied to me.

I step into the elevator, the motion reminding Jacob, I’m standing here, witnessing this shitshow.

He turns to me as I enter the box.

“Lilac,” he whispers. “You know this isn’t true.”

I fight the pull to look at him, but then I decide he needs to look me in the eye. I don’t know what to believe.

“You’re it,” he says again to me, but he’s still standing outside the elevator, and I’m inside.

“Listen to your heart,” I remind him. Ethan’s hands slip from the door as the annoying blare continues to drown the silence between us, and the doors slide close.

Without Jacob.

+ + +

His silence is deafening. He doesn’t make the flight, and he doesn’t respond to any texts of concern other than one to his sister.

Sad eyes meet mine as she says, “He says to go on without him.” Ethan wraps his arm around my shoulder, but I shrug him off. I don’t want his touch. I don’t want anyone to touch me. I’m suffocating under my thoughts.

“I need a minute,” I warn them both, briskly walking to the restroom as my stomach roils. I’m thankful there isn’t a line as I fall into a stall and heave, although there’s nothing in my stomach. There’s nothing inside me but disbelief.

How had this happened to me again? How had another man in my life chosen the other woman? Then again, I was the other woman. I was the second one, the runner-up. My hands plaster against the stall walls as I bend over the toilet, heaving once again.

When I finally return to a waiting Ethan and Ella, they’re in line to board the plane, and Ella wrings her hands, watching me. “He doesn’t love her.”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? She’s having his baby.”

Ethan shakes his head. “I don’t believe her.”

“I don’t think it matters what we believe. He stayed with her.” I take a deep breath. “As he should, right? He’s going to be a father with another woman.”

I glance at my phone one final time, for some sick reason, and hate that there isn’t a message from Jacob. I hate that I want there to be one. He’s a complicated man, and I’ve been holding out for him for too long without reason or promises. Just waiting.

My thumb moves to the side of my phone, and I power it off.

+ + +

Jacob: I didn’t want to do this by text, but you aren’t answering me.

Jacob: She’s lying, and I can prove it.

Jacob: Please. Don’t give up on me.

Jacob: On us.

Jacob: Lilac?