Page 68 of Fight from the Heart

“But Jacob,” I stammer. Jacob had already gotten another woman pregnant. We couldn’t both be pregnant at the same time. I feel sick all over again, only this time has nothing to do with food.

“Let’s worry about only you for now,” Mae states as the voice of reason. “We need to get to the pharmacy.”

“I can’t walk into the pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test.” The place is located underneath my apartment. How would I explain myself because small town and rumor mongers. “The gossip will start before I even leave the store.”

“We’ll drive to Alton. There’s a CVS there. You can do it right in the bathroom.”

“I’m not giving myself a pregnancy test in a public restroom,” I retort. But Mae is already reaching for my hand, and she drags me out of my seat. Calling out to Franny, she tells our employee we need to run an errand, and we’ll be back in forty minutes.

“How long will the test take?” I laugh, already knowing I’ll only need the time it takes to pee on a stick and wait five minutes.

Forty minutes later, it doesn’t matter how much time passes. I’ve taken a pregnancy test in a pharmacy restroom while Mae stands outside the stall. The results are positive. Confirmed by a little pink plus on a stick, I’m pregnant.

I’m going to be a mother. Single and thirty-six, I never imagined this would be my life.

+ + +

Two weeks later, I’m still numb—not in a bad way—just a stunned way. It’s been six weeks since I’ve seen Jacob. As I’m almost eight weeks along in my pregnancy, I’m still suffering morning queasiness along with cravings for random food like tuna fish sandwiches for breakfast. In this state of brain fog, my phone rings, and I answer when I see Ella calling.

“Are you excited?” I have no idea what she means, but she has so much to be excited about. Ethan opened his restaurant on April first as he planned, and they are engaged. I’m so sorry Jacob missed their announcement and Ethan’s opening, but it couldn’t be prevented. Thankfully, in the party celebration atmosphere, we didn’t discuss Jacob, keeping our silence on concern for his health and well-being. Ella’s been checking in with me once a week since he’s gone into treatment, and I’ve appreciated the calls even though they’ve been a little painful. We avoid all discussions of her brother. She’s my friend, but she’s also a reminder of what I’ve lost.

I miss him.

“What am I missing?” I ask, attempting to fill my voice with enthusiasm for whatever has her bursting at the seams.

“I . . .” The heavy pause teases me, and I chuckle softly.

“Well?”

“I thought he told you.” Her voice drops, and my heart follows.

“Who told me what?” I ask, hesitating while sensing who she means.

“Jacob. He’s coming home.”

A ripple rushes through me, a combination of thrill clashing with dread. He’s been released. He’s coming here. Then I crash because he hasn’t called me, and he’s probably bringing her.

“That’s wonderful,” I state minus enthusiasm.

Ella’s sudden quiet is unsettling. “I’m certain he planned to call you.”

“Ella, you don’t need to cover for him. It’s okay. I hope he’s healthy and happy. He’ll need strength for the next stage of his life.”

“Pam,” Ella hesitates. “He—”

“He didn’t call me, Ella. I’ve accepted that nothing is going to happen between us.”

“No, you don’t understand. Mandi and—”

“I’ve got to go,” I say, choking on the lump in my throat. I can’t hear this. I can’t listen to her tell me he’s coming home, but he’s bringing his girlfriend with him. The mother of his child. Maybe she’s his wife by now. Fingers cover my lips as I click off the phone, holding back the sob until I’m clear of her listening. Then I break down again, holding a hand over my lower belly.

It’s just you and me, kid.

You and me.

Chapter 25

One Plus One Does Not Equal . . . One