Page 41 of View With Your Heart

“Gavin,” I groan his name, desperate to shatter. His thumb strokes up to my clit, and that’s all it takes to detonate. As the fireworks blast, my insides rocket to a release like no other. A million particles of lightness break within me. With a hiss, my head tips back while I arch away from his chest and clamp my knees together. I ride his fingers, holding his arm trapped between my thighs.

“Fuck,” Gavin moans behind me, clearly watching me use his touch to get myself off. When I can’t take it anymore, my knees fall open, and I reach for his wrist. He pauses.

“Give me another one,” he whispers, but I shake my head. I’ve never . . . and I don’t think I have the energy for a second release, feeling spent from the first incredible orgasm I’ve had in years. Instead, I turn for his mouth once more, shifting enough to face him better and cup his scruff-covered jaw. Kissing him, I try to tell him everything. My appreciation of this moment, even when I don’t deserve it. My apology for holding back the information he deserves to know. My plea of forgiveness that he won’t hate me when I finally tell him the truth.

As I break away, tears threaten my eyes. The liquid burn is a mixture of what just happened and what will come next.

“Gavin, I need to—”

“Shh,” he says, rubbing the pad of his thumb over my lower lip and returning to kiss me as the finale of the fireworks explodes on the horizon. When loud cheers and echoing applause, along with the extended honks of boat horns, signal the end of the show, I pull back from Gavin.

“I should go,” I whisper, but I shift on the lounger, hesitantly reaching for the waist of his shorts. I want to reciprocate in some manner for what he’s just done to me.

“No, Brit,” he says, his voice stern. He catches my wrist before I touch him. “That was for you.”

“But I owe you, for ditching you at dinner, for actual dinner, and this.” I look up at him, and his eyes fall to my lips.

“I never want you to think you owe me anything. This was all my selfish pleasure.” He smiles slowly and leans forward, taking my lips one more time before gently pressing at me to move away from him. “However, I only have so much patience, so let’s get you home before Gee.”

My shoulders drop as my heart falls to the pit of my stomach.

Before Gee.

Actually, Gee before everything else.

I close my eyes and nod to agree. I need to go home and process what I’ve done.

Take 14

Scene: The Baseball Field Again

[Gavin]

Holy shit.

I can’t believe she let me touch her like that. The position of her in my arms, the scent of her sweet skin, it was all too familiar despite the decades that have passed.

However, I’m now concerned about the quiet woman riding next to me to her house. Did I push too much? Did we go too fast? I feel myself spiraling out of control, like an unwinding clock. I’m losing time with each passing day, and I’m rushing to speed up the process of regaining her attention, regaining her affection for me.

I reach for her hand, curling my fingers with hers, afraid to let her go. The sensation feels so similar to when we were young. I’d drive her home, holding her hand, not wanting to reach her uncle’s house too soon, not wanting to let her out of the truck. Unfortunately, as I circle the dark lake, we do reach her place quickly.

The tires of the rental creep over the gravel drive, and I place the car in park. Shifting, I lift her hand and kiss her knuckles.

“What are you thinking?” Her silence has unnerved me. Is she regretting what we’ve done? She’s holding back from me, hesitating on the verge of something I can’t read from her, and I want to read her again. I want to know her responses, her sounds, her movements, her meanings. I want to know it all, and I try to warn myself to keep things in check. Am I too wrapped up in memories? Is this nostalgia drawing me to her? Or is this something fresh, undiscovered, and the thing I’ve been longing for? In some ways, it’s all of the above. I want something new, something real, and Britton has always been those things to me.

Considering she lives here, and I live on the other side of the country, though, our position feels like an impossibility again. However, we aren’t teens. We don’t have restrictions on us. Then I consider her son and her business. Her life is entrenched in this town. With her holding my hand, I’m not quite as eager as I was a week ago to get out of this place.

“Let me see you again,” I beg into her knuckles.

“Gavin, we can’t start up again. We have nowhere to go.”

“Why do we need to go anywhere?” I ask, but instantly, I hear my mistake. Her mouth falls open, and she tugs at her hand.

“Because I’m not some filler hookup.” Her eyes widen, shame filling them. “Unless that’s what you think just happened.”

“You know I don’t think that about you,” I remind her. I didn’t take her offer to reciprocate. It wasn’t about that tonight. I wanted her to feel good. I wanted her to let go a little. She’s so wound up.

“I don’t know what you think anymore. I don’t know you now.”