Page 78 of View With Your Heart

Karyn gives him a look, and Ella curls into him, holding him without him reciprocating. He’s shocked.

We stand still, sharing stares with one another, knowing the inevitable is happening.

+ + +

We’re only allowed into Mum’s room a few at a time, so we take shifts during the remainder of the night. It’s clear she’s out of it, muttering incomprehensively while her head occasionally rolls on the pillow.

At one point, I need to excuse myself to call Joe. Ethan walks with me, needing some fresh air, and we step outside as I make the call.

“Gavin, where the hell are you?” He isn’t mad but frustrated.

“My mom’s in the hospital.”

“Fuck,” he groans through the phone. “Talk to me,” he says in the direct way he has. I quickly explain Mum’s cancer and where we are with it.

“What are you thinking?” Joe says.

When talk show hosts used to say, but there’s more, Joe, they had this moment in mind.

I lay out the rest of my shitshow life.

“She never fucking told you.” Joe whistles through the phone.

“Not one hint.” It angers me again to consider, but then I think of last night, her letting me into her body. Her fingers digging into my back as though she didn’t want to let me go any more than I want to release her.

“Man, that just sucks. But . . .” Joe hesitates. “You’re a dad, and that’s pretty cool.” Joe has kids, although I don’t remember their ages. “Look, I’ve got to say the timing of everything isn’t great, but cancer doesn’t care, am I right? And you just took those two weeks off, although one was for business, which I might add, paid off. We got a call from Bigflixs. They want to talk next week. It’d be great if you could be here, but I totally understand if it doesn’t work.”

Thank God, Joe is understanding.

“Bigflixs, you say.” My eyes meet Ethan’s. “I’ll get back to California as soon as I can.”

“Keep me posted on things. We’re moving forward with Juan.”

“Awesome,” I tell Joe, and we end with me promising to check in by the end of the week.

“Wow, Bigflixs,” Ethan says, whistling.

“I know. It’s amazing.” However, I don’t feel the thrill of it yet.

“So when you leavin’?” Ethan asks, his voice snarky and edgy.

“I don’t know. I’m waiting for Mum.”

“Waiting on Mum to do what?” Ethan’s irritation grows as he snaps at me, taunting me.

“E. Come on, don’t pick a fight with me. I need to see what happens.”

Ethan steps up to me, facing off. “You’re lucky you didn’t say what I thought you’d say.”

I almost laugh as he’s so wordy and convoluted, but I know what he means. Neither one of us wants to say out loud the truth of why we’re holding our breaths.

It hurts to admit, and I realize just a little bit how Britton felt. The truth is hard to say sometimes. Still, she’s not forgiven. Even though I entered her last night and being inside her felt amazing. I’m not certain I can forgive her, which sucks because there’s no one I want more right now.

“You should move home,” Ethan blurts, repeating what he told me at Jacob’s.

“Why?”

“Because they need you,” Ethan says, swiping a hand into his hair and holding it back at the top of his head. The move is so similar to my own, only his fingers tangle in the top of his while mine keep going. It’s a strange thing to consider at the moment.