Page 80 of View With Your Heart

“I’m not selling.” The money sounds tempting, but it’s not, and the more I tell myself that, the more I’ll believe it. I’m not leaving my house. I’m not giving up the land that Gee and I love. I’m not moving. It’s something I considered for all of three seconds when I think about Gee being separated from Gavin. He had a ton of questions after leaving the Scott farm, and I don’t have any answers for him yet.

When can I see him?

Where does he live?

Will he come to visit me?

How much time will he spend with me?

Can he come to Cooperstown?

Gavin also called me this morning to tell me his mom isn’t doing well, and they are at the hospital. I hate to think about what this means, so I didn’t ask anything other than offering myself.

“I’m here for whatever you need.” I don’t even know that he’d want my help. Sure, we had sex again like those two lust-crazed teens, but it was only out of anger and regret that Gavin pressed me up against the door and filled me as only he can do. I sigh with the thought. I’ve been playing it on repeat all day, and I need to get my libido in check. Last night wasn’t anything more than one more mistake between Gavin and me.

However, the way he touches me. The way we kiss. The way we come together. There’s just nothing like it.

“Well, I’m happy for Gee. He lost one dad to gain another. This will be good for him. Every little boy needs a man in his life.”

Henry glares at Jenna before turning back to me. “How is Gavin taking this?” His concern for Gavin is justified, overwhelming, and a bit disconcerting.

“He’s been taking the news . . . slowly. We had dinner with his parents last night, and things went well.” His mother and father were very accepting of Gee, and that’s really all I can ask for from them, especially as we all live in the same town together. It’s a small town, and I’m certain news will spread quickly of Gee’s real parentage. “However, his mom’s in the hospital today, and he has other things on his mind.”

“What’s happening with Sarah?” Jenna asks, and I tell her what I know.

“That’s too bad,” Henry adds, lowering his head. “He’s had a lot to take in lately.” Henry’s been hurt in the past, and it’s evident by how adamant he is in giving a male perspective. I reflect on all that’s happened for Gavin in the past two weeks. He’s returned home after years of absence. He announces this production company and a new career. He finds out he’s a father, and his mother is deathly ill. Like everyone, he’s only human, and I wonder when he’ll break because we all do at some point.

It had been so difficult to accept my pregnancy at twenty-three and single. It has also been hard to accept that Patrick could love me and my child, who wasn’t his, but nothing could prepare me for his death so early in our marriage. His loss was a big breaking point for me, and when Leo died within the next year, I struggled with how truly alone I’d be. Just Gee and me.

But I’m not really.

I have my cousin, Duke, as my friend, and Theo, his child, now under my roof. I have Jenna, Henry, and my business. Putting one foot in front of the other is the goal with my business and getting that damn tax bill paid down. Finally, I had Gavin’s family for Gee. I believe his mother and father genuinely want to know my son, their grandchild, and this will be good for Gee as he essentially doesn’t have grandparents. As for Gavin, I won’t rely on him for me, but I am hopeful he’ll be here for Gee in some capacity. However, deep down, I wish we could somehow be together. I wish we could be here for one another, but I need to think of Gee and Gavin’s relationship first. I want Gavin to forgive me, but I’m not certain that will be enough. I want Gavin to love me, and that is more than I could ask of him.

I’m so angry.

I should hate you.

If pinning me against a door and hammering into me is his expression of hate, I’m curious what love would look like from him. Then I recall all the innocent touches between us since his return. The way he’s been pursuing me and telling me at every turn how he’s missed me. There’s also the look in his eyes when he looks at me and the way we come together. As he said, it’s what we do. We’re drawn to one another. I don’t know how to process Gavin’s feelings, but I recognize my own.

I want to love him.

+ + +

Once the bandage of telling Jenna and Henry is removed, and the shop is closed, I head home. Gee has another game, and it’s a good distraction. Tom Carter isn’t present, and his absence concerns me. I want to call Gavin to check in on him, but I also don’t want to be a nuisance. He needs to be with his family. He needs the time to regroup and reconnect with them just as much as he’ll need to build a relationship with Gee.

I explained to Gee where Gavin is and why he’ll miss the game. Gee understands, but he’s somber on the field. Holden is here, but he’s quiet as well. Being cousins gives them a new bond, but I don’t think it will change the boys’ friendship, and I don’t even know if Holden knows about his new cousin.

Holden’s older sister brought him to the game, and when the game finishes, I offer to take both boys for pizza. They brighten up a bit at the prospect. After a quick check-in with Karyn, Holden comes with us.

“My grandma is your grandma?” Holden clarifies, and I’m hoping that Karyn and Tom know the truth by now because Gee isn’t hiding it, and I’m won’t ask him to.

“Yes,” Gee confirms, glancing up at me.

“Does that make you my aunt?” Holden asks, and I nod.

“Aunt Britton.” I’m not technically part of the family as Gavin’s wife or anything, but Holden can call me Aunt to make things easier. Theo already does the same even though he’s technically my cousin’s son.

“That’s so cool,” Holden says, smiling over at Gee, and I’m relieved how easily a twelve-year-old can accept a family change. Gee and he high-five, and that’s that. They move on to a discussion of their video game plans for the evening.