Page 93 of View With Your Heart

“I pushed and pushed, and your mother warned me. I’d done to you what my father had done to me. How do you think I ended up in Ireland, of all places? She said you’d go away and never return, and that’s exactly what happened.”

I stare at my old man, looking even older than he should after Mum’s death only days ago. I’ve never heard this story. Never been told he was on the outs with his dad when his father passed away.

“You don’t need me here,” I say, the air releasing from me like a loose balloon.

“What I needed was my son to come home and see us. See his mother who missed him.”

Way to drive in the knife. But he isn’t wrong. I’ve done them wrong, especially Mum, and now she’s gone. Forever gone. Tears burn my eyes because I almost lost Gee today, too. I just got him, and I almost lost him. For that fact, I’ve finally returned home as they wished but look what happened to my mother.

“Maybe if I’d stayed away, Mum would still be here. She’d still be waiting on me, and then you’d still have her.”

“Gavin,” my dad’s voice softens. “You know it doesn’t work that way.”

I shake my head, uncertain of so many things. “I don’t know anything anymore, Dad.”

I feel like I’ve completely lost my way in life. It’s more than losing my career in baseball. It’s losing Britton when I thought I finally had her.

+ + +

By the next morning, I’m walking into Joe’s office in the heart of Los Angeles.

“Gavin, good to see you, man, but what are you doing here?” Standing to circle his desk, he steps up to me, leaning in to give me a half hug while shaking my hand.

“We have the meeting with Bigflixs.”

“Yes.” Joe scoffs. With red hair and a face full of soft freckles, plus a tie and dress pants, Joe looks like he should be an accountant more than a movie director. “But when we spoke yesterday, I thought we had it all worked out. I thought you were planning to stay in Michigan.”

Joe’s red eyebrows pinch. “What am I missing here?” He has a good eye for reading people and situations. It’s what made him so good behind the camera while filming Brant’s life and then turning his view wider to Juan’s and the plight of immigrant workers. He’s gone from filming a privilege to filming below poverty, and it’s a testament to his vision.

“I fucked up.”

Joe points at a seat as he perches on the edge of his desk, and I fall into the chair opposite him, explaining what happened with the boat and Gee. He laughs as I finish, but I’m puzzled by the reaction.

“Man, those moments of fear are going to happen a million times as a parent, and you’re going to make a million mistakes along the way. At the end of the day, all you can hope is you didn’t screw them up so much they can’t even explain the issue to their future therapist.” He laughs good-naturedly again.

“I could have lost him. I just found him, and he could have drowned.”

Joe sobers a bit. “I get that, and you need to soak up that fear, but also accept that it didn’t go that direction.”

“That’s what I told Britton.”

“She overreacted,” Joe states, but a question lingers in his tone as he crosses his arms over his chests and lifts two fingers to his lower lip.

“You could definitely say that.”

“Did you deserve it?”

“I—” I stare at Joe. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“Does she know how you feel about her? About Gee? Is she convinced you’d never hurt them? Does she know you’re staying for her?”

“I told her I’d move.”

“An excellent grand gesture, but did you tell her you love her?”

I laugh at Joe’s directness, but slowly, the laughter dies as Joe watches me.

“I’m not an expert at fatherhood, and I’m even less of an expert at relationships, but I’m pretty sure a woman wants to know she’s loved with actions and words. As you haven’t told her how you feel and you’re sitting in front of me and not her, I’d say you’re right. You fucked up.”