Page 21 of The Heart Remembers

“It doesn’t matter,” I say, looking over her shoulder to find a few people watching us, one of whom is her father. Jess’s eyes narrow, and his jaw tightens as if he’s clenching it while he’s staring.

“I haven’t had the same kind of losses as you, but I want you to know I understand, and I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

Drawing away from her dad’s glare, I look down at her. “I don’t want to talk. I just want to dance, but thank you.”

She smiles up at me again, making me feel like all could be right with the world if she always looked at me like that.

+ + +

Beach volleyball is really not my thing, and after walking through town and sampling the Riverwalk fare, I’m tired. Instead of playing, I sit on the table top of a picnic table down by the beach at the dam and watch as two families compete against each other again. Gavin and Ethan’s crew have joined us, and it’s a night of loud insults and lots of beer as the sun sets on another summer evening.

Tricia’s daughters, Liza and Maggie, are tag-team babysitting AJ this evening. They put him in the stroller to walk back to the rental. We need to clear out before dark, or the police will kick us out. Tom swears the chief won’t do such a thing, but I’m not looking to take any chances. Although the sheriff’s department doesn’t house the same men it did when I was growing up here, I’m still self-conscious of my family's reputation. My father the drunk. My dead brother the wife abuser.

I’m falling down the rabbit hole of self-pity again.

It’s been a day, and I fault myself. I shouldn’t have done what I did to Katie. She’s been strange all day because of it, and I should have apologized.

“Why so glum, chum?” Lys says, interrupting my thoughts and slinging an arm around my shoulders as she sits next to me on the picnic table. We’re all a little tipsy, and she leans into me. I kiss her temple and feel eyes on us. Lys and I talked the other day. She and her husband are having some marital issues, and I can sympathize. She isn’t happy but doesn’t know what to do. As I’m not one to offer relationship advice, I could only offer my friend a listening ear. However, I did want Lys to know she was loved, she is worthy of more, and she deserves better.

“I’m not glum.” I laugh at her rhyme, and she turns her head, purring at me as her face comes close.

“You don’t look happy today,” she mutters, her eyes searching my face.

“I’m good,” I lie. “Don’t you worry about me.” I lean forward to tap my forehead against hers, but she leans toward me as well, and our lips meet. It’s quick, like the click of a pen, and then we pull back. We both laugh. Oops. Only I turn my head to see Katie watching us.

Glancing away from me, Katie says something to her mother before stalking off from the beach, and I hate my body even more as I can’t chase after her.

9

[Katie]

“You okay, Katie bug?” I’m lounging on an Adirondack chair on the stone patio when my mother calls me the endearment she gave me as a child. I’ve been looking out at the full moon’s beam rippling over the dark water of the lake.

“Mom, I need to tell you something.” While I’d like to talk to her about Levi, I think it’s best to call that what it is—nothing—and stop thinking about him.

“What is it, baby?”

“I broke up with Derek.”

“What? When?” The shock in her voice, along with the softness, rips me in two. My family likes him. They thought he was good for me, but we weren’t good, and I explain how I’ve felt.

“We’ve been together so long, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I know we lived together, and I think we just grew comfortable with one another, but not comfortable enough to make a plan for the future.”

“But we all thought he was going to propose this weekend,” she says.

“He’s not,” I state. “He gave me earrings for our fourth anniversary last week, and I broke up with him.”

Mom covers her mouth with her fingers. “Are you sure about this? Maybe you were just upset about the earrings. You’re wearing them. Let me see them again.”

I swipe back my hair, and she takes a glance in the dark. “Those are nice.”

“That’s just it. Derek is nice. He’s wonderful. He’s great, but he’s also . . . boring. I don’t need adventure in the great wide somewhere, but a little spontaneity would be nice.”

Mom’s brows lift.

“I mean, he does nice things for me and treats me like a princess, and I sound selfish and shallow that it isn’t enough, but I just don’t think I’m attracted to him anymore. He’s just so clinical and—”

“I get it,” Mom interjects, noting my hand swirling over my lower region. “You know, before I met your father, I dated lots of men.” Unlike me, who has dated only a few, I know my mother played the field, as the saying goes. “And I never thought I was good enough. Why wasn’t I ever asked to be the one? It was always the next girl. But then, I realized it wasn’t that I wasn’t the one for them, but they weren’t the one for me.”