Page 46 of The Heart Remembers

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When I arrive back at the house, earlier than expected, I still pay Daisy’s friend as if she’d been there all the hours I asked.

“Maybe you can still catch a little bit of the party,” I suggest.

“Was Robbie Hunter there?”

“As I have no idea who that is, I don’t know,” I offer, but smile at the hopefulness in her face. Was I ever that hopeful over a girl at that age? When I was seventeen, Katie was only ten and not even a blip on my radar. How she jumped to one when she was seventeen, I’ll never fully understand. Timing, I suppose. By the time she’d become my target, she’d already disengaged, and now, she was engaged to someone else.

While I trudge up the stairs, I don’t feel as weighed down as I should. I enter my room and ready myself for bed. It’s hours earlier than my usual bedtime, but I’m tired.

After doing what needed to be done, I pick up AJ and pull him to me for a sleepy hug. I’m not disturbing him, and I’m so grateful his dreams are sweet.

“Dream big, little man,” I whisper to his warm skin.

Maybe one day he’d miss his mom, but I can only be hopeful I’ll be enough. I’ll give him all the love I had, and he’ll have that same family to love him as much as they loved me.

I build a barrier of pillows along one side of the bed and then curl in on the other side, facing him, just watching him breathe, watching him sleep. My hand reaches for his little fingers, and even in his slumber, he makes a little fist over my pinky.

“That’s right, kid,” I whisper. “Hold onto me.” It will have to be enough.

I don’t hear Katie’s door or even know if she returns. I don’t want to think about her entering her room with another man or what they might do to celebrate their engagement.

I concentrate on my son, knowing he’s my future.

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I wake early since I’d gone to bed as such and decide to take a walk. Surprisingly, I find Pam Carter awake early as well, and she offers to watch AJ when I tell her I need to stretch the ache in my leg.

“I need more baby fix,” she coos, reaching out for my spoiled son.

As I walk, I decide one of my first priorities is to some sort of physical therapy and just take better care of myself. I need to do it for AJ. I scroll my phone and search for the place where Katie volunteers. Maybe I could even volunteer at VetGym or get involved in one. I see they have several locations in the U.S. I don’t know that I can apply for a job at a place she visits once a week, knowing she’ll be wearing a big diamond on her finger that wasn’t a gift from me, though.

However, it would be nice to work at a place with more passion in projects, more investment in people. Without consciously deciding it, I focus on the one in Michigan. I want to move home. I want to move near here. There’s already been a hint of it in the conversation with Tricia, and even though I was upset with Leon the other day, I decide moving wouldn’t be for only for Katie. It would be for me and AJ. We need family.

Continuing to scroll, I’ve noticed some new condos near Main Street for rent although I’d prefer a place with land. The thought makes me search Randall Ranch, curious about opportunities with them, especially the possibility of therapy. I’m all over the place but excited by the prospect of change.

When I finally return to the house, a rush of questions assault me since I left the party early last night.

Tricia: “Where have you been?”

Leon: “Where did you go?”

Lys: “What happened to my car?”

I ignore them all because I can’t take my eyes off the woman sitting at the kitchen table, holding my AJ on her lap. Her other hand wraps around a mug of coffee on the table, absent of a diamond ring on her finger. She peers up at me, eyes hesitant, and I cross the distance to stand at the opposite end of the long kitchen table.

“You’re here.” It’s not really a question but a statement of surprise. I didn’t expect to see her this morning. There’s another question I’m dying to ask, but I bite my cheek.

“Where else would I be? All my favorite people are right here.” She addresses AJ as she speaks, bouncing him on her knee once before looking back at me.

“But I saw you leave with him.”

She shakes her head. “Nope.”

The room goes quiet, and eyes shift between the two of us.

“I’d like to talk to you about that job,” I blurt, and her eyes widen.